Humanity for Dummies: Autobot Edition
by Mazarine Fennec
Summary: Time to learn about humans boys.. What? There's no manual? oh, damn, guess ya better start studyin' The Autobots find out just how to be a human... the hard way.
1. Alcohol

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers... this is HasTak's swimming pool, I'm just floating around in it for a while.

Author's Note: This was an idea spawned from too much tf2007fun on Livejournal. Don't take ANY of it completly serious, because I'm just doing this as a means to entertain myself and those that read it. These are suggestions mostly from those on Tf2007fun.. Have at em kiddies

Warning: Slight slash and mention of smex... BeeSam

Humanity For Dummies: Autobot Edition

1. Alcohol

Bumblebee watched in apprehension as Sam teetered on his feet for the 30th time that night. The boy, no, the man was seriously inebriated, well past the legal amount. He winced when said 21 year old (as of 3 hours 5 minutes and 29 seconds ago) practically tripped over Lennox, who was sitting on the floor. He giggled, staring up at the ceiling.

"They're being very reckless..." came an agitated voice from beside him. He turned and saw Ratchet's hologram glowering at the group of Drunken humans that congregated in the rec room.

"It's a special occasion." Bumblebee stated.

"So I've heard– Sam's 21st birthday– but what does that have to do with alcohol?"

The blond hologram shrugged his shoulders, he really didn't know, and he didn't even try either.

"It's an age thing I guess." He sighed in exasperation when Sam suddenly realized there was a mop leaning against the wall and proceeded in proposing to it. Both holograms watched in detached amusement.

"Think it will say yes?" ratchet asked, barely concealing a smile. Bumblebee snorted.

"Possibly, can't be any worse than Captain Lennox shouting at the top of his lungs that his life's goal was gaining immortality by way of quantum physics and burnt toast... I don't think he even knows what quantum physics is." Ratchet laughed at that one.

"True.. Why would they want to get drunk when they're just going to feel it tomorrow anyways? I understand hangovers are deadly."

Again, the blond shrugged, but when Sam's hazy eyes gazed at him and he gave Bumblebee one of the sexiest lopsided grins in the history of grins that Sam gives bee ( he was keeping track you know) he couldn't help but wonder if the alcohol would change his human's libido as well. Ratchet caught the look.

"Oh for Primus' sake!! You're all the SAME!" and with that, he walked off muttering about alcohol and sex driven sparklings. Bumblebee only grinned.

BWUAHA! I had to do it, it was too good to pass out. As for the mop thing... my step dad did that, then realized he was already married and proceeded to tell the broom that it just wasn't going to work out. Reviews are apreciated but not mandatory!!


	2. Scabs

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers... this is HasTak's swimming pool, I'm just floating around in it for a while.

Author's Note: This was an idea spawned from too much tf2007fun on Livejournal. Don't take ANY of it completely serious, because I'm just doing this as a means to entertain myself and those that read it. These are suggestions mostly from those on Tf2007fun.. Have at em kiddies

Warning: None

Humanity For Dummies: Autobot Edition

24. Scabs

He'd kept a very close optic on the Witwicky boy after the events of Mission City. He'd banged himself up bad enough to raise suspicion (then again, Ratchet knew his parents to be suspicious of almost everything their teenager did). Bruises had appeared on every inch of skin possible, scratches were angry read on his face and arms, and he was sporting a very nasty dislocated shoulder. Of course, as Ratchet learned with the humans, these ailments began to heal themselves naturally. Bruises turned faint and yellowish, and scratches began to cover themselves in scabs– a sure sign that Sam was healing just fine.

He'd read up on all of the injuries the boy obtained to be sure he knew exactly how to treat them, as Sam, Mikaela and the military personnel of Captain Lennox's team were his first human patients. When Sam asked him why, he merely stated that he didn't trust human physicians enough not to ask questions, or treat him the proper way. The boy had shrugged and went on his merry way allowing Ratchet to give him a check up every week.

It was during one of these check ups when Ratchet noticed it. Sam was picking and scratching at one of his scabs. He put all of his attention on the healing skin and scratched at it with blunt fingernails. The CMO didn't say anything at first, figuring it was just another one of those reflexes. However, when Sam walked into the med bay not more than three hours later, and requested a Band-aid for one of the bleeding, open scabs, he had to ask.

"Why?" he asked as Sam put the Band-Aid on his arm. He looked up.

"Why what?"

"Why do you constantly pick at them?" Sam looked at him again in puzzlement.

"Picking your scabs and reopening the lacerations is only going to leave scars– why pick them off?"

Sam blinked and looked down to his scab-ridden arm.

"'Cause they're itchy and annoying?"

"But they are there to help you heal." Again, Sam looked at him with a blank look.

"Yeah... but they're itchy and annoying."

Ratchet purged air from his systems reminiscent of a human sigh.

"Do you _always_ inhibit your healing systems every time they aid in repairing you?"

"... um.. No?"

"Then why pick at your scabs?"

There were a few moments where CMO and Teenager looked at one another, one blinking, the other waiting expectantly for an answer, before Sam spoke, breaking the silence.

"...Because they're itchy... and annoying."

And with that, he thanked Ratchet for the Band-Aid and left the med bay, leaving the medic behind to ponder why he even bothered.

Done because I can see Ratchet arguing with Sam and because there needs to be more Ratchet Lovin's Reviews are appreciated, not mandatory.


	3. The Holocaust

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers... this is HasTak's swimming pool, I'm just floating around in it for a while. Also, I don't own the information used in this one, I got it from Wikipedia.

Author's Note: This was an idea spawned from too much tf2007fun on Livejournal. Don't take ANY of it completely serious, because I'm just doing this as a means to entertain myself and those that read it. These are suggestions mostly from those on Tf2007fun.. Have at em kiddies

Warning: Mentions of torture and brutal human misgivings set during the Holocaust age. I get squeamish when I hear or see things about the holocaust, it makes my stomach churn, but it was a good suggestion, because the bots need to know that the Humans aren't as good as they've seen.

Humanity For Dummies: Autobot Edition

42. The Holocaust

Sam had taken to spending most of his afternoons, and sometimes whole days with the Autobots. He expressed his comfort in his Guardian and the presences of the friends that taught him things he never thought he'd need to be taught. They were glad he saw it that was, and were open to the chance of learning themselves, about human adolescence and many things that came with Sam... including homework (sometimes referred to as homework from hell, depending on which teacher it was from). He seemed to have a lot of it. They enjoyed being able to help him, and learn from him the things about humanity they didn't know.. However, there were some things they wished they hadn't been so curious about...

"What's this?" Bumblebee's hologram pointed to a DVD case in the midst of English homework and a text book for Algebra. Sam looked down and picked up the DVD.

"It's for my world history class... it's on the holocaust." he replied.

"What's a holocaust?" Ratchet asked, hearing Sam use a word he didn't understand.

"A holocaust is generally defined as the violent deaths of a large number of people or a race of people. That's the dictionary definition at least." Sam looked down at the cover of the dvd, showing a photograph of emaciated Jewish children and Hitler. " But most people use it in reference to the massive genocide of the Jewish people in World War II. It's... a horrible but memorable event." Sam said, and by the look on the Bots' face he figured they were interested at least a little bit.

"Want me to put it in?" he asked and Bumblebee nodded, practically flopping himself down next to his human. The others activated their holograms as well, taking various spots near the television. Sam's finger paused over the play button before he turned to his companions, a look on his face.

"Are... you sure you wanna see this? I mean, I've seen it tons of times, and it.. Still makes me feel bad... it's.. it's one of the worst things that happened in history..." he said as Optimus gave him a gentle smile.

"Humans aren't perfect, Sam... just like Cybertronians are not perfect.." he reminded and Sam nodded his head, all the while thinking that they wouldn't be saying that after the movie. He hit the play button. If they wanted to know how horrible humans could be, he wasn't going to stop them– besides, if he watched it now, that would be just another homework assignment out of the way.

As the educational video began the autobots seemed to be engrossed in it.. Even as the horrible truths began to unveil.

"_...used in a wider sense to describe other actions of the Nazi regime. These include the killing of around half a million Roma and Sinti, the deaths of several million Soviet prisoners of war, along with slave laborers, gay men,..."_

"_Most research confirms that the number of victims was between five and six million. Early calculations range from 5.1 million to 5.95 million. More recent research estimates the Jewish losses at 5.59–5.86 million, and a study headed by Dr. Wolfgang Benz presents a range from 5.29–6 million._.."

"_... my fist and foremost task will be the annihilation of the Jews... I will have gallows built in rows...hanged indiscriminately... until the last Jew in Munich... completely cleansed of Jews."_

"_Auschwitz..."_

Sam felt his stomach twisting, not only from the truths that he was reliving again, but because he could practically feel the horror radiating off of his friends behind him. He didn't need to turn around to know that Bumblebee was holding a hand to his mouth, Ironhide was clenching and unclenching his fists, Jazz was openly crying, Ratchet merely shaking his head and tensing, and Optimus, closing his eyes, unable to bear witness to what was going on in the video. He had the same reaction sometimes, being sensitive as he was. When the video had ended, Sam chanced a look behind him and saw them with their eyes glued to the now blank screen in silence.

"Sam..." it was Bumblebee who spoke first... quietly.. Apprehensively.

"Yeah Bee?"

"Did... that Hitler man... really... really have those people burned alive?"

"Yes."

"He really... killed... all those kids?" Jazz asked next.

"Yeah... thousands of them..." There was silence again.

"...why?" Ratchet asked.

"Because he wanted to eliminate them.. He wanted to be almighty.. Wanted to make sure that his perfect world would only have perfect people.. And the Jewish weren't perfect enough for him... he thought.. Germans were superior..." And then Sam realized something, why they were so sad, why the looks on their faces made his heart ache just that much more."

"Humans... have people like Megatron...too." they turned their synthetic eyes on him. He fidgeted sadly. " There are.. Tons of people out there like him.. Searching for power.. Willing to do anything... to get it...Some start deadly wars..." he said and watched as Optimus's hologram dissipated and he walked out of the rec room, soon to be followed by Ironhide– most likely to find something to blow up.

"I guess..." Jazz began, " We... really are more alike.. Than we thought..." And Sam didn't need to say it, to agree with him.

I didn't really like this chapter more for the fact that it deals with the harsher part of humanity, but I guess it fit well enough that the bots learned it...


	4. Video Games

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers... this is HasTak's swimming pool, I'm just floating around in it for a while.

Author's Note: This was an idea spawned from too much tf2007fun on Livejournal. Don't take ANY of it completely serious, because I'm just doing this as a means to entertain myself and those that read it. These are suggestions mostly from those on Tf2007fun.. Have at em kiddies . Reviews are appreciated, not mandatory.

Warning: foul military mouth.

Humanity For Dummies: Autobot Edition

7. Video Games

The Autobot base was quiet, far too quiet for employing a rowdy teenager (and his guardian when he was far too hyper for his own good), a group of military men used to yelling over gunfire, and the recently landed Lamborghini twins. Thus why the older mechs were twisting with nervousness.. Something had to be wrong.

"Ok, that's it, I'm not sitting here a minute longer." Ironhide snapped as he pushed himself away from the desk he'd been sitting at. Ratchet, though unnerved by the silence himself, looked up at Ironhide in amusement.

"But Ironhide, I thought you _liked_ the quiet, and didn't get enough of it?"

"I like mah quiet but when it's THIS quiet something ain't right." he said.

"I 'ave to agree wit 'Hide.. 'specially wit da twins bein' 'roun'... it's _too_ quie'" Jazz said, looking over at Optimus who looked up as well. He let out something akin to a sigh and stood.

"Let's go make sure they're not getting into trouble, Primus only knows since Sam befriended the twins." he said as the bots all stood.

They realized just how quiet it was when they walked the halls and found no one, save for a government official or two and even they didn't know where everyone was.

"You... don't think this is going to be another trick? I don't think I can deal with more tomatoes." Wheeljack said shuddering at the thought of how many times he had to wash out the red squishy fruits.

"I don't know... but they're a bad influence on Sam and Bumblebee.. THEY'RE even getting in on it..." Ratchet said as they passed yet another military official.

"Fraggit all where are they?!" Ironhide asked and the official stopped in her tracks.

"Excuse me.." the group stopped and turned to look down at the woman who seemed to cower away. " A-are you looking for Samual Witwicky and Bumblebee?" she asked.

"And the twins, and Lennox... yes do you know where they are?" Optimus asked.

"The last I saw them, they were walking towards the rec room and Captain Lennox and his team were carrying a multitude of X-box .. Consoles." she said

"Thank you." Optimus said as she hurried away.

"What the pit is an X-Box?" Wheeljack asked.

"It's a gaming console the humans made up. Takes little discs and you play games on it. At least that's what Epps told me." Jazz said as they changed course and head towards the rec room.

The closer they got, the louder the voices got and the more they were confused. When they finally turned the corner into the room itself, they were met by a pretty sight. On one side of the room Sunny sat with half of Lennox's team and a television was set before them, rigged with at least three of the square gaming consoles. The blond hologram that Sunstreaker used was sitting in the middle. They all had controllers in their hands and headsets on. On the other side of the room, Sideswipe and Bumblebee sat up against the wall, while their holograms were mingled with Lennox and a few of his men, as well as Sam.

"What the slag are they doing?" Ironhide asked, leaning against the door way to watch.

"Oh, they're playing Battlefield 2: modern Combat." Mikaela said from one of the tables, away from the maelstrom of wires, tvs and controllers, and away from the men who would shout every now and then.

"What is that?"

"It's a multiplayer military game. You've got a team of people who go on a mission or something... it's like a simulation of a battle field, using online play and a bunch of testosterone ridden men who like guns." she said when Lennox let out a yell.

"Left! Left! Left!!! I said Left you ass-hole! The enemy is on the left!" he growled as one of his men glowered.

"No need to yell Will, I'm sitting right next to you." he said as Sam spoke up.

"They've got three turrets I hope ya know.. Bee's the only one who can take em." he said, as Bumblebee grinned, pushing his buttons happily.

"They're playing a game that's widely popular with teenage males..." Ratchet asked as Mikaela sighed.

"They're reverting bak to childhood.. Besides, at least they're not playing Halo, I'm so TIRED of hearing about that game." she said as they settled down to watch them.

In no time, they figured out that watching the group of soldiers play this game was far more amusing than anything they'd ever seen, especially when they actually met each other in battle.

"You fragger! You killed me!' Sunstreaker yelled as his brother grinned.

"I am the cobra commander... fear me." he said as his character ran forward again, meeting up with his team.

"Hey shoot! Shoot!! There they are shoot him!!!" Epps was positively bouncing and suddenly gunfire erupted in the room from the speakers of the television.

"I'm not losing out on that bet! Move it Sideswipe!" Lennox commanded as the red twin pouted.

"I'm goin' I'm goin'... not my fault the damn sand dunes keep gettin' in the way."

"Ack no!! He got me." Sam whined while one of Epps' men yelped triumphantly.

"Don't worry Sam, I'll avenge you."Bumblebee said in half seriousness and half amusement as he did just that, cutting the man's victory short.

"Aww dammit!"

"They should do this more often... it's cheap entertainment." Wheeljack said as Mikaela sighed.

"Boys.. They're all the same..."

Okay, so I really don't like this chapter, because I was trying to write it, but I'm not good with the multiplayer and military games, but I tried my best. It was basically to bring it back up from the dreariness of the last chapter.


	5. The 4th of July

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers... this is HasTak's swimming pool, I'm just floating around in it for a while.

Author's Note: This was an idea spawned from too much tf2007fun on Livejournal. Don't take ANY of it completely serious, because I'm just doing this as a means to entertain myself and those that read it. These are suggestions mostly from those on Tf2007fun.. Have at em kiddies . Reviews are appreciated, not mandatory.

Warning: mild Slash SamxBee

Humanity For Dummies: Autobot Edition

67. Independence Day.

Bumblebee had been excited all week. Sam promised to take him to a special event, the only stipulation being that he had to wait until the 4th. He'd been patient at first, after all, a week was nothing to a Cybertronian. However, Bumblebee soon learned a very important thing about the month of July. Somehow, someway, and he knew he'd have to ask SOMEONE about it because he could feel his processors fritzing at the thought, time seemed to slow down, the weather got even MORE unbearable, and one week managed to turn into a millennia. He didn't understand it, and he didn't like it... as Sam would often say... it sucked.

So now, sitting in the Witwicky driveway as the sun reached it's high, possibly around 1:00 in the afternoon, he was practically shaking on his wheels in excitement– it was Saturday... July 4th. He had no idea as to what was going on, only that Sam promised HIM that he'd like it, and he had no reason not to trust Sam before. He practically flung open his doors when he saw the teenager walking down the back porch steps carrying a blanket, a cooler and a bag of something unidentifiable. Had he been less excited, he might have let his colorful imagination wander. He also would have asked what they were doing, only, Sam was talking on his cellphone,

"Want me to get anything else?... no, tell Epps I'm underage, he can buy his own damn beer." Sam let out a laugh and Bee heard the familiar voice of Will Lennox ask him a question. Sam leaned into the back seat and checked the white plastic bag.

"Nope- dad had a good sized stash... none of the big stuff, he couldn't get any this time." Bumblebee, getting a little anxious at being ignored, vibrated the seat Sam was sitting in and rumbled.

"Oh, hold on– Sorry Bee..."

"It is alright... Where are we going?" Sam smoothed a hand over the steering wheel in a sign of affection he often used for the yellow Camaro.

"To the old Drive in field, you know, the one just off the highway. The others are waiting for us." Bumblebee heard Lennox's next comment clearly and snorted as he pulled out of the driveway.

"_Sam! Stop talking to your boyfriend and get back on the phone... damn brat.."_

"I'm gonna make Ironhide sit on you now, just for that..." Sam said, putting the phone back to his ear as Bumblebee laughed. Ironhide would never sit on Lennox, but it did make for an amusing image.

"No... he doesn't have a clue... nah, mom sent tons of food... Why? Because she's my mom, why does she ever need a reason to do anything?... yeah, yeah, we'll be there in ten... okay... bye."

When Sam hung up and his hands were properly placed on the steering wheel, Bumble bee launched his questions.

"Where are we going?"

"I told you, we're going to the ol–."

"But why? There's nothing special about the old drive ins."

"Because today is the fourth of July." he said, as if Bumblebee should know exactly why that day warranted a special event.

"What's so special about the Fourth of July?" Sam grinned and pat the dashboard.

"You'll see."

"Saaaaammmm." Bumblebee ended that little tirade with a mechanical whine, causing Sam to laugh even harder. He pouted mentally, that boy SO wasn't getting laid for a week.

When they arrived at the large field, Bumblebee was confused as to why there were almost tons of people there, and most of them he didn't know. He saw families, high schoolers, people perched on the backs of cars... what the pit was going on?

"Hey, park down near the end, I see Optimus and Ironhide." Sam said, pointing down a long line of cars. True enough, there sat the few others (including the recently landed) parked together in a group. He noted a few military vehicles as well. After parking near Jazz, Sam began to gather up his stuff.

"Sam?"

"You'll have to use your hologram Bee." Sam, holding the handle of a bag in his mouth as he got out. Activating the blond teenage image, Bumblebee too the cooler from Sam and gave him a wary and confused look, eyes darting to the slews of other people there.

"Don't worry, it'll be okay, promise." Sam gave him a reassuring smile and took his hand, pulling him through the rows of people

At the end, not so far away from the other groups, but secluded enough for privacy, was their group of friends. The men and women that made up Lennox's unit, a few of the Sector Seven agents including Banacheck and excluding Simmons, and the Autobot holograms all mingled together, the Autobots looking a bit more apprehensive than anything.

"Hey guys!" Sam said as they neared.

"Hey, it's the squirt! And the other squirt!!" Lennox said, Anabelle balanced on his hip.

'See if I ever babysit for you again." both of them said, glaring at Lennox.

"I was joking guys." he said as Bumblebee set the cooler with the others.

"Do YOU have any idea what's going on?" he asked, looking at Sideswipe who shook his head.

"Not a fraggin' clue, but the humans said it was a celebration of something.. So." he shrugged

"Don't worry about it Bee, I promise it's nothing bad, really." Sam said as Annabelle pulled on his shirt

"Spark... spark." she said and Sam laughed.

"Okay, okay, lemme get em out.." he said

"What she mean 'spark'? Jazz asked as Sam pulled out a long thin package.

"Sparklers." Sam said and yelled to Fig asking for his lighter. The Mexican tossed the small orange thing to him and Sam pulled out the thin stick. The transformers watched as Lennox stood by to make sure nothing happened, as Sam lit the end of the sparkler. Some of them jumped as sparks and lights began to dance out of the end with a little fizzing sound. Annabelle squealed happily, taking the other end and waddling towards Lennox, waving it in the air and laughing.

"Spark! Spark!!" Sam caught the look on the otehr's faces.

"Wanna try?" he asked and Sideswipe and Sunstreaker moved forward.

"Hey, we get to play with fire and not get in trouble with it, I'm in." sideswipe said, pushing black and red hair over his shoulder. Sam lit the sparklers again and Bumblebee took one.

At first he just gazed at it, in it's own way, it was beautiful, the jumping lights were almost like bursting stars. And then, he began to swivel it in front of his face and could not suppress the grin.

"I feel like a sparkling again, it's completely pointless and I'm having fun." jazz snorted, waving the little stick in his hands. Epps laughed.

"The magic of fireworks my friend." he said, he also had one in his hands, only he and another one of Lennox's men were having a sword fight with theirs.

"Fireworks?" Wheeljack asked in interest.

"That's a firework, granted a puny one compared to most of them.. You'll get to see some big ass fireworks here soon." Lennox said as Anabelle let out a whine when the end of her firework went out. Optimus even looked down at the one that was placed in his hand and a little smile crossed his face.

All along the lines of groups, people were lighting up sparklers and other things, and Lennox rooted through Sam's bag of fun exploding things." as he dubbed it with a laugh.. He then pulled out a string of something and grinned.

"Niiice." he said, taking the lighter from sam and sneaking over behind fig and the others. He carefully, so not as to harm his men, set the poppers on the ground and lit them, snickering and dashing over to stand by Ironhide. The grizzly looking man raised an eyebrow down at his beaming human and saw Sam watching with mild interest as well.

BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM!!!

Fig dove from the picnic table and Lennox dropped to the ground laughing.

"FUCK man! That SO wasn't Coo'!"

"Language!"

"Oh... Sorry Sarah..."

The festivities continued, even as it began to get darker and a dj, who'd been setting up all day suddenly came on the speakers placed around the large field.

"How you folks doin! You ready for some fun?" a few whistled, a few clapped and the dj laughed.

"Alright, alright, glad you could come out and celebrate with me tonight. We're about to kick off the big ones, but before we do, would ya'll turn to your left? That's right." Everyone, even the bots, turned to see the local police force standing at the bottom of a pole, raising a red, white and blue flag up to the top.

"What's that?" sideswipe asked.

"That is the star-spangled banner, that's the American flag." Epps said.

"It's just a piece fo cloth..." Sunstreaker added.

"It's a symbol to the American people." Sam started, but was cut off by the dj again.

"Will you please join me in singing the national anthem..." and suddenly music began to play. Sam took off the ball cap that he was wearing and placed it over his heart while the others of Lennox's group all saluted the flag as the police men below it were, and over the speakers, they hear voices begin to sing, and those Americans around them started as well.

_"O say can you see,_

_by the dawn's early light_

_What so proudly we hailed_

_At the twilight's last gleaming?_

_Whose broad stripes and bright stars_

_Through the perilous fight_

_O'er ramparts we watched_

_Were so gallantly streaming..."_

The bots watched in almost awe as even some of the littler children, such as Annabelle and the little boys and girls of other families, began to sing along with the radio. They watched as Lennox tightened his stance, saluting fiercely to the flag that was now, waving lightly in the breeze, and how Sam clutched at s small medal against his side that Bumblebee hadn't noticed the first time. The words to the song were deep, They could tell, they meant something, but for the life of them, they couldn't understand what fighting and a flag had anything to do with the fourth of July.

"_And the rocket's red glare_

_The bombs bursting in air_

_Gave proof through the night_

_That out flag was still there_

_O Say does that star-spangled_

_banner yet wave_

_O'er the land of the free_

_And the home of the brave."_

And they watched as everyone began clapping and screaming and suddenly from over the line of trees, something shot into the air, a thin line of gold trailing behind it. There was the most minuscule of pauses before it erupted with a loud BANG and gold white and blue sparks, larger, MUCH larger than those of the sparklers, rained down above them on a circular pattern.

Even Ironhide's mouth had dropped as another shot into the air and erupted and children squealed with glee. Sam pulled bumblebee down next to him, still staring up at the sky as the light show danced across their faces. And for once, the Autobots were stilled, and they were amazed, because these explosions of light were so advanced for such a primitive race to their own, they were humbled.

"Amazing... Wheeljack breathed, watching as one burst and then crackled as tinier stars sprouted.

"I'nt it?" Lennox asked, grinning from sitting on the picknic table,Anabelle clapping her hands in her lap.

"So.. What does it mean?" Sunstreaker asked, his eyes never leaving from the sky.

"On July 4th, in 1776, 232 years ago, the Americans signed a declamation of independence. It was the day that marked us as a free county, free from the British, who had a strong hold on us. Since that day, American's have been celebrating the day that we became our own people, that we had a right to choose for ourselves. To the younger kids, like Anna, who don't know any better, it's about the fireworks. it's a beautiful display that has been amazing me since I was little.. But to older people, it's a lot more. It's a symbol of what made us who we are today. To me, it keeps my faith in my country, reminds me of the reason I'm fighting.. To Sam, " he turned to see Sam leaning back into bumblebee's chest, both of them watching the display in the sky.

"It's symbolizing what he's going to have in his future, and what he's going to be teaching younger generations afterwards... THAT'S why it's such an important day."

And they didn't need anymore explanation than that, they understood the want and the need to be free, to be a people of choice and togetherness. They saw what it meant to the humans around them, and in turn, it meant a lot to them because earth was certainly their new home, but America was their future, where they would start anew... and that gave them more hope in the inevitable battles that would soon jeopardize that newfound independence.

Okay, I admit, it was a bit long winded, but it was hard to try and get my point across in less than a page or two (it actually ended up being 6). I don't know about you, but I love my country, even though it's being retarded right now I love it. And I decided to write this one because just the other day I was reminded WHY I loved my country, and how proud I was to be an American. My uncle had been sent to Iraq a year ago, and it was frightening whenever we didn't hear from him, because you never know what happened, or if something DID happen. He recently came home, safe, without a scratch on him, and I realized.. He's fighting for the freedom and choice that his ancestors fought for. That lead to another response. What would the Autobots think about the American's fight for freedom, and what it means to each individual.

We go to the downtown fireworks display in Williamsport, Pa. We park in a shopping center parking lot, and we tailgate for three hours before the show, and there's always a dj and music stations, and every time, before the fireworks start, the National anthem begins to play. Not ONCE, since I was little, did I see my dad or my grandfather put his hand over his heart. Every year, they salute the large flag that's flown atop a crane.. And that's where I got Lennox's idea. Sam came from the fact that I watched a little girl about ten years old holding onto a folded flag with her father's military cap lopsided on her head. She was hugging it like it was her last life line. I asked her mother about it politely and she smiled at me and told me that just the month before, her father had been KIA... just thought I'd share that Sorry about being so long winded guys! Promise to try and keep it from happening again!!_ (PS– I hade to put Banacheck in here, he's like, the ONLY S7 guy I find likeable, his actor was awesome)_


	6. Snow

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers... this is HasTak's swimming pool, I'm just floating around in it for a while.

Author's Note: This was an idea spawned from too much tf2007fun on Livejournal. Don't take ANY of it completely serious, because I'm just doing this as a means to entertain myself and those that read it. These are suggestions mostly from those on Tf2007fun.. Have at em kiddies . Reviews are appreciated, not mandatory.

Warning: SamxBee if you squint

Humanity For Dummies: Autobot Edition

39. Snow

Bumblebee leaned up against Ironhide, curling into his old guardian's side. Ironhide looked down at the young Autobot and chuckled.

"Don't worry Bumblebee, the humans will return soon."

"It's been forever..." he pouted, as much as a transformer could pout anyways– arms crossed and slinking down further into the old warrior's side. Ironhide's conversation companion laughed.

"Bumblebee is going through Sam withdrawal." Bumblebee glared at the neon yellow medic and kicked his foot out at him stubbornly.

"Stop acting like a sparkling." Ironhide scolded.

"But I. Am. Bored." he stated

"Join the club brat." Sideswipe muttered from the other side of the room. Sunstreaker leaned against a wall, optics closed and an agitated look on his face, while Sideswipe lay on the cement floor, legs propped in said brother's lap.

"What is taking them so long though? I mean, how long does it take from here to get to the nearest store?" Bluestreak asked.

"They're using human vehicles, therefore, it will take longer. The lot of you need to calm down and be patient." Optimus spoke, signaling that, yes, h e was still there.

Everyone was silent at their leader's clipped and agitated tone.

"Are you channeling Prowl or something Prime?"

"I am right here you know..."

"Oh! Prowlie! There you are, I haven't seen you in ages–."

"Shut up sideswipe." the Sic growled, contemplating just kicking the other in the head to make sure he listened to the order.

"Ya'll need to chill, Primus, yah'd thing you were stir crazy or sumthin'." hound said from beside jazz, both mechs having been quiet up until that point.

"Yeah, really, chill out." Jazz seconded.

"Forgive us if we can't be–."

"SAM!" Bumblebee shot up from Ironhide's side quickly as the side door opened into the empty warehouse.

Sam entered, pulling his hood off of his head and shivering as Lennox stepped in beside him.

"Hey gu– oof!" he suddenly found himself on the floor with Bumblebee practically suffocating him with kisses and really tight hugs.

"Sam... Sammy, Sam, Sam... **DON'T**, do that to me again."

"Bee! Let me breath!!.. What aren't I supposed to do again?"

"Leave me in a warehouse... for 5 hours." he stated, and Sam smiled.

"Sorry Bumblebee, but we ran into TONS of problems on the way there and back." he said as he pulled his scarf loose around his neck.

"Problems?" Ironhide asked, looking down at Lennox.

"Tons, first, the damn truck wouldn't start, had to use jumper cables from Sarah's SUV, then, we almost veered into a telephone pole.. After we were in the store, the power decided to go out. That took them forever to fix."

"Then we're out on the road again, " At this Bumblebee's speakers played_ on the road again, can't wait to be on the road again_. " yeah, Thanks Bee, anyways, we're on the road and a semi jackknives in the middle of the road, causing a twenty car pile up.. Then Will almost drove into another telephone.. And three trees." Sam finished. The story was followed by silence, and lots of blinking optics, some in humor, others in shock, surprise and... wonder?

"It wasn't OUR fault! It's fucking snowing," Lennox said, defending himself and Sam. This time, they were met with confused glances.

"Snow? What's that?"

"Never heard of it."

"What the slag is that?"

"Wait, wait, wait... you guys don't know what snow is?" Sam asked and was met by the shaking of multiple heads.

"I figured, y'know, with the entire internet at your disposal, you'd know everything." he said, and again, they shook their heads. Lennox chuckled.

"They can't get a first hand experience of it from the internet." he said and pushed the lever to open the loading doors.

What met their optics was not what they expected, everything was...

"White." Prowl blurted, unable to come up with anything else intelligible to describe the landscape. He was, however, correct. Everything was covered in a growing layer of white, fluffy, cold stuff. The trees were covered, the bushes, and the road was barely visible beneath it.

"Wow... it's beautiful." Bluestreak said, speechless. He was the first to venture out, soon to be followed by the others. They quickly began to feel tiny cold caresses against their heated metal and looked up. They found the source of it, the snow was falling from the sky.

"It's just frozen water really, because of the climate differences in the clouds and stuff." Sam explained, walking out too, wrapping his scarf around his neck again. " but some people think it means purity, others sometimes think it's about death, y'know, spiritual and imaginary stuff.. It's pretty cool to play in though." he said, but it was lost on the silence. They said nothing, merely staring out over the expanse of white covered land.

"It's almost... like Cybertron." Sideswipe said. "Before the war, when you could just stand there and..."

"Not hear anything." Sunstreaker added. The silence stretched, tiny whispers of wind carrying voices away so that the only sound was like a hushed whisper of a blanket touching skin.

It didn't last very long, however, because Ironhide suddenly found a snowball **SPLAT!!!**, dripping off of his face plates. He turned to the two human males who looked almost horrified and pointed to Sarah Lennox who had another snowball in her hand and one on her hip.

"You're taking the snow too seriously, didn't you hear Sam? It's more fun to play in, honestly." she said in exasperation. Little Annabelle, following her mother's example, scooped up snow into her mitten'd hands and waddled over to the black Autobot.

" 'Hide! Play in 'no 'Hide, play in 'no! YAY!" she said, smooshing the snow onto his foot, soon to be followed by another. Everyone laughed, and soon engaged in the ultimate snowball war, complete with forts and teams.

Sam and Lennox, standing back and enjoying the show, grinned at one another.

"I think they needed this, ya know? Always brooding over what they can't fix." Sam said, watching Beam Prowl in the face, only to be smacked in the side of the head by one from Jazz.

"I think we'll definitely be making this a permanent winter vacation resort." Lennox joined the teenager in laughter.

I personally LOVED this chapter, because I so started a snowball war with a few college friends, and it was Decepticons versus Autobots... Needless to say, our side, the Autobots ( I was designated Ironhide, because I managed to give someone a bruise when I threw a snowball at him) won the war.. But not without the Con's putting up a fight. Their Megatron managed to get our Optimus good, only to have Jazz smack him in the face with a sloppy one. Anyways, I figured Sarah doesn't get enough screen time, so it was her turn to shine. And contrary to everything everyone else believes, I think she would be the only one allowed to get away with beaming Ironhide in the face with snow.

I've also come to another conclusion... Bluestreak is my new favorite transformer.. I wanna glomp him... oh yes I do.


	7. Hope

1Disclaimer: This is HasTak's swimming pool, I'm just wading around in it for a while.

Author's note: I'm sorry for not having updated in a while. As I stated before, I had to deal with exams and midterms and they're just as bad as Starscream in PMS mode... NOT fun at all. I've been adding little bits and pieces to the Humanity list, and someone them look promising. This one just happened to rack my brain after listening to the song my The All-American Rejects, it just seemed to fit PERFECTLY, hopefully you'lll be able to se it too . Some light mention of SamBee... maybe some HideWill... Reviews are appreciated, not mandatory

Warnings: non I can think of really.

Humanity for Dummies: Autobot Edition

84. Hope

The Autobots were stuck. Decepticons had been arriving on earth in groups, and within the last few months, the only two to anser Optimus's call were Prowl and Wheeljack. Spirits were low and resources were even lower, as Ratchet had had to repair Ironhide's right hip three times and Bumblebee's left leg more times than he could count. The Decepticons were more brutal, it seemed, and there wasn't anything they could do about it, not even with the humans helping them out, they were just too outnumbered. Everyone could tell it was weighing heavily on the Autobot leader. He would often stand for hours on end, sending out his message once, twice... even three times in one day, hoping to hear back from a fellow friend and comrade. It never ended well, and after about a week, he gave up with that too.

The humans had noticed as well.. Sam and Mikaela more than anything. They were constantly in contact with the Autobots. Mikaela had become Ratchet's assistant, feeling she had to be helpful in SOMEWAY, and Sam acted as a liaison most times. He and Bumblebee had become closer, the yellow bot using Sam as a crutch, the boy had a way with his words, contrary to the odd behavior he had around other humans, and the nervousness to those around him. He had confided in the Minibot that he felt more connected to the Autobots, than he did with his fellow humans, they just didn't get it. After Mission City, his eyes had been opened, and he'd taken on a whole new outlook on life.

"Awww, c'mon Bee, cheer up." he said, rubbing down the Camaro's hood with a smooth cloth applied with some of his father's nice wax. " I'm sure there are some of them out there, ya just gotta keep faith." he said and the engine rumbled somberly.

"It's not that easy Sam.. There **IS** not Cybertronian faith.. There just **IS**.. And the point **IS** that there **AREN'T** any Autobots answering so it **IS** hopeless." the Autobot stated and Sam put his hands on his hips.

"You're giving up? Just like that? What happened to Mission City? To the people there? And to me.. When we were first being chased by Barricade.. " he said.

"That's different Sam, there was something to fight for them.. Everyday, Prowl says the possibilities of more Autobots keeps decreasing, while more Decepticons keep appearing.. We won't be able to last mush longer..." he said and Sam watched as he activated his holoform and drove off as he often did when his spirits were low. He sighed and threw the rag onto the bottle of wax, walking into his house.

It was hard, to see the Autobots like this. They were the very vision of strength... advanced beings with courage and the will to do what was right. They had superior technology, big cannons, and the "heart" to save those that were needing saved.. So why was their hope running so ... low? He ran a hand through his hair and turned back to the homework in front of him and turned up the radio. The sound of a familiar band blasted through the speakers and his pen froze on the problem he'd been working on.

"_Move along, move along like I know you to_

_And even when your hope is gone_

_Move along, move along just_

_to make it through.."_

He blinked and listened as the song continued and he thought and he grinned... Maybe he had to show them how to have hope.. The human way..

Sam hadn't said much to Bumblebee as he climbed into the Camaro the next day. He knew that the bot probably needed a bit of silence, and he knew that his touches over the door frame and the steering wheel were enough for him at the moment. Just as well, Bumblebee didn't question when Sam approached him with a determined look on his face, or a CD in his hands. The drive wasn't long to the base, and when they got there, Sam climbed out of Bumblebee and walked past him before he'd even transformed. He tilted his head and watched his human walk with vigor to the rec room where he was sure the other 'bots were. Had he offended the other when he left the day before? He'd apologized and Sam had assured him that he knew Bee needed his space. He let out a questioning click and followed after the other.

The 'bots looked up from their activities when Sam entered.

"Hello Sam." Optimus said as the teenager walked past him, not saying a word. He raised a brow plate. The boy continued across the room, crawling over feet and between legs to get there. Most of them looked up to Bumblebee who shrugged his shoulder. The teenager stopped in front of a stereo system that Lennox had insisted be in there and pulled out the CD. He placed it in the player, cranked up the volume and pushed the fast forward button a few times. All this time, without saying a word. Once sure that he got the number he wanted. He backed away from the stereo and crossed his arms, looking up at them with a bit of aggravation and determinating before a song began to play rather loudly.

The 'bots listened in confusion as the song began to play, the male singer belting out notes, the words not registering. Jazz had bobbed his head a little, but they were still confused as to what the boy's purpose of playing music was. When the song ended, Sam pressed stop and looked up at them. By the looks on their faces, he knew the reaction.

"You don't get it... do you?" he asked

"There was a purpose to that?" Prowl asked.

"Yes, I was trying to make a point." he said. There was silence.

"...That you have good taste in music?" Jazz asked and Sam sighed, rubbing his forehead.

"You guys.. Are being.. MORONS." he said, taking them aback. They hadn't seen him agitated like this, let alone at _them_.

"What... what did we do?" Ironhide asked, just as confused. Sam grumbled something incoherent.

"You're being IDIOTS! You're giving up before anything has started.. Yeah, so you're alone, and you haven't heard from any other Autobots since you sent out the signal. That _doesn't_ mean that, y'know they aren't out there." he said, crossing his arms again. " You're being pessimistic.. The glass seems half empty to you right now, so you're giving up without a fight." he said.

"But Sam... it's not looking up, the Decepticons–."

"Have a temporary upper hand. Not that it's a good thing, but isn't how that goes in war sometimes? You win some, I win some? You guys have been fighting for GOD knows how long, and it's not jsut gonna stop like that. Hell, OUR wars go on forever and even when they DO end they don't just end the day the fighting stops.. Things take time, and HOPE, and waiting." he said, surprised he was even sounding intelligent himself.

They were silently regarding the young human who was preaching a foreign subject to them. Cybertronians had logic, intelligence and thought. That was what got them through the war, and that's what they knew, and here, a small human boy was telling them they needed to have PATIENCE and HOPE? Things they weren't familiar with.

"Hope...?" Ratchet finally said.

"Yeah, hope, you have to believe that they're still out there, and that maybe they've gotten your call, and that maybe it's just taking them a little bit longer. And even if they don't show up right away, just move on and do what you can." he said and moved to the Cd player again. He pushed the buttons once more and gave them a look that clearly meant '_listen'_. And they obliged...

"_Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking_

_When you fall everyone sins_

_Another day and you've had_

_your fill of sinking_

_With the life held in your_

_Hands are shaking cold_

_These hands are meant to hold."I_

Wasting... thinking... days so long they lost track of time. They lost track of which battles had been lost, and which had been won... They listened, more closely now, trying to figure out what Sam meant.

"_Speak to me, when all you_

_got to keep is strong_

_Move along, move along like I know you to_

_And even when your hope is gone_

_Move along, move along just_

_to make it through_

_Move along_

_Move along_

_So a day when you've lost yourself completely_

_Could be a night when your life ends_

_Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving_

_All the pain held in your_

_Hands are shaking cold_

_Your hands are mine to hold."_

And it clicked.. Just like that.. They knew what the teenager was trying to tell them. Hope was something they knew, something everything knew. If they kept thinking, and falling deeper into the despair that might lead them to their own destruction, they lost sight of what they'd been fighting for_** The HOPE that the war would end and peace would reign once more.**_ Bumblebee looked down at Sam, who looked back up at him, proud of his little human for showing them the light that they needed again, showing them just what they wanted to hear.. Human HOPE... the human way of moving on even when they knew that there was a possibility of failure.

"_Speak to me, when all you_

_got to keep is strong_

_Move along, move along like I know you to_

_And even when your hope is gone_

_Move along, move along just_

_to make it through_

_Move along_

_(Go on, go on, go on, go on)_

_When everything is wrong, we move along_

_(Go on, go on, go on, go on)_

_When everything is wrong, we move along_

_Along, along, along_

_When all you got to keep is strong_

_Move along, move along like I know you to_

_And even when your hope is gone_

_Move along, move along just_

_to make it through"_

When the song ended, and Sam had looked up at them, Optimus was the first to speak.

"I.. Thank you... Sam." he said and the others nodded.

"I guess.. We just lost what we were fighting for."

"Clouded judgment" Prowl added.

"You humans talk in songs like this all the time?" Wheeljack asked and Sam nodded his head.

"Sometimes... it makes other people feel better, there are always messages..." he said softly.

"I could always make something to boost your signal.. Prime." the inventor said, looking to his leader.

"I can ask Lennox for a little more help..." Ironhide said, walking off. Sam watched them disperse with a little smile and he didn't know whether or not it was pride he felt, but there was a swelling of something inhis chest.. Possibly accomplishment. Bumblebee hadn't moved and Sam was a bit surprised when his hologram wrapped arms around the smaller of the two.

"Thanks Sam... for giving us some hope." he said and Sam grinned.

"Any time Bee... Anytime."

Three days later... a group of five Autobots landed in the middle of the Colorado mountains.. A familiar southern like drawl speaking over their inner communications.

_"This is Autobot Hound..."_

_"Autobot Sideswipe..."_

_"Autobot Sunstreaker..."_

_"Autobot Cliffjumper..."_

_"Autobot Bluestreak..." _ And in one voice...

_"And we are loyal to Optimus Prime... we're home."_

OKAY, that ended like SHIT!... seriously, it's corny because I don't think I conveyed what I WANTED to convey, but, hey, I had fun typing it up. Hope you enjoyed it.


	8. Nightmares

1Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers... this is HasTak's swimming pool, I'm just floating around in it for a while.

Author's Note: This was an idea spawned from too much tf2007fun on Livejournal. Don't take ANY of it completly serious, because I'm just doing this as a means to entertain myself and those that read it. These are suggestions mostly from those on Tf2007fun.. Have at em kiddies.Reviews are appreciated, not mandatory

Warnings: Hints of heavy... activities... slash SamxBee

Humanity for Dummies: Autobot Edition

56. Nightmares

He lay on his stomach next to the sleeping boy, eyes half-lidded and lazy as they gazed over the pale skin. Sam was laying on his side, arms curled underneath his pillow with his hair mussed. Bumblebee couldn't help but grin, after all, he was the reason Sam looked like that... and was half naked. He found that Sam liked touch, liked cuddling while he was asleep, though, he'd never tell the other that, after all, Sam liked to keep his.. Masculinity in check. Even if he didn't sleep like Sam did, he enjoyed just laying next to his human all night, it was relaxing.. And it was something he knew he was only privileged to do.

He liked being close to the boy savior, liked the feel of skin against his own synthetic skin, nails biting into his shoulders, bodies moving together intimately. He loved the feeling he got in his spark when the brunette sighed his name, and with the fact that he was the one that brought on the reactions, and the one that the boy would wake up to in the morning, wearing that lopsided sleep-filled grin. There were times where the two of them were joined by Mojo in the morning, the animal having somehow wiggled itself between then underneath the sheets, probably seeking warmth... bumblebee had the distinct feeling that the animal was jealous of him, and it made him laugh.

He smiled beneath blond and black hair that fell over into blue eyes and reached out to run his fingers through Sam's bangs and over his forehead. He listened to the almost inaudible sigh as he leaned his head into the touch. He continued his ministrations until something froze his actions. Sam's brow had furrowed and he looked... frightened? Was it possible for someone to be frightened in their sleep? Had HE been the cause of it? He watched as Sam whimpered and jerked. Be pulled his hand back like he'd been stung.

"Sam?" he called, trying to get the boy's attention. Maybe if he woke up... Sam had now moved on his back, face twisted in distress, tears falling from the corners of his eyes as he thrashed his head back and forth, whimpering..

"S-sam? Sam what's wrong?" he pushed himself up to look down at his partner, afraid because he didn't know what was going on.

"S-sorry... I'm so sorry Bee, I couldn't stop them..." he muttered with a choked sob.

"Couldn't stop what Sam? Sam?" he shook the boy's shoulder a little bit and he twisted away from it, crying out and shivering in fear.

"No.. Can't have.. Allspark.. Megatron.. Maggot... I'm sorry, I'm sorry I ruined it all.. Sorry.. Hurts..." Bumblebee watched and realized... Sam was dreaming.. Reliving the events that were months past... he was having a nightmare. He'd heard Ratchet explaining them to Ironhide after the large mech had told him little Annabelle Lennox woke up one night screaming. He searched his own data banks... nightmares were like dreams gone bad, the subconscious torturing an individual with events passed or.. Things that weren't real. He moved slowly, gently as to not hurt the boy anymore and pulled him to his chest in a warm hug, placing lips against Sam's forehead as he sobbed.

"Sam... Sam wake up, it's just a dream..." he soothed, coaxing the boy into awareness... he, himself, hadn't been aware that the actions and events of their arrival to earth would cause him pain... he ran his hands over the boy's shoulders softly, shushing the quiet sobs.

"S-Sorry..."

"Shh... Sam, Wake up Sam, Megatron can't get you." he said and scanned the boy. They indicated that he had slowly woken up. Brown eyes opened, a bit red from the crying. He looked around, disoriented for a moment, not realizing where he was or who he was with.

"Bu-Bumblebee?" he looked up, feeling fingers running through his hair.

"I'm here Sam... you were having a nightmare." he said and Sam collapsed against him.

"I.. Was running.. And trying, and Sector Seven.. They wouldn't let you go, ad then you were gone." he said quietly, reliving what had happened in the dream. " and Megatron.. Was calling.. Me things, and..."

"Shhh... it's okay, Megatron can't hurt you anymore... And I'm right her, and I'm not going to go anywhere..." he reassured, fingers still running over his scalp. He pulled the covers over the two of them, curling against the relaxed teen.

"Promise?" he asked, falling back into the interrupted sleep.

"I Promise... go back to sleep Sam."

And he did, gently lulled by Bumblebee whispering things in his ear and the hand now running over his back. And Bee continued to run his fingers over Sam's back even when he was positive the other had fallen back into deep sleep. As he lay there, feeling the tell tale paws of Mojo climbing across the bed, and the cold nose, nosing it's way between them, Bumblebee was almost glad that he wasn't human like Sam... he didn't think he'd be able to relive the worst moments of his long life over and over again...

I had really bad nightmares when I was little...And I'm sure after what Sam's been through, he'd have nightmares even months after Mission City.. And as For Mojo.. My dog is small enough that she somehow ends up underneath the blankets a my feet every morning, licking at my toes... XD


	9. Twister

1Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers... this is HasTak's swimming pool, I'm just floating around in it for a while.

Author's Note: This was an idea spawned from too much tf2007fun on Livejournal. Don't take ANY of it completely serious, because I'm just doing this as a means to entertain myself and those that read it. These are suggestions mostly from those on Tf2007fun.. Have at em kiddies. Reviews are appreciated, not mandatory

I don't know the name of ALL of the guys that survived on Lennox's team, so, I'm just giving them names.

I FIXED THE HORRIBLE SPANISH, AGAIN I APOLOGIZE FOR THE WONKY TRANSLASTIONS THAT WERE GIVEN!!!!

Warnings: crack... grown men playing a once sexual-tagged game..

Humanity for Dummies: Autobot Edition

75. Twister

Sam blew a feather into the air again and watched it fall down onto his chest. He was sprawled out over one of the many couches of the Autobot rec room, his feet over the arm rest.

"I... am so fraggin bored." he muttered. No one noticed the use of a Cybertronian curse, they had all been exposed to it for so long that they started picking up on it themselves. Mikaela grunted her agreement, sending a text message to a friend halfheartedly from the floor.

"I second that..." Glen muttered, flipping through some... random magazine. Maggie only nodded. The two teenagers and the two young adults had been all one for practically the whole day. Optimus, getting tired of the rowdiness that had started, ordered Prowl to start some, regimen that they'd follow... the bot did as we was told and now everyone was on a rotating patrol schedule. They were all on it... Prime wanted them to have SOME semblance of their former military glory on Cybertron.

Not more than two days later, those that weren't on patrol had gone with the commander to receive mirage and hoist who had landed about two hours away from the base, thus, leaving the four of them alone and bored on a Saturday. This was how Lennox and his men found them when they came in from their own training program.

"Why the glum look guys?" Epps asked as four pairs of eyes turned to him and four voices answered him in unison.

"We're bored."

"Bored?"

"Yes..."

"Why are you bored?" Lennox asked, dropping his gear in a heap.

"Sam is going through Bee withdrawal, Glen's computer took a shit on him, Maggie was called off work.. And my... cell phone just died." Mikaela said, dropping it to the floor, followed by her head on a pillow.

"Sam... where did the feather come from?" Lennox asked, watching the yellow thing float back down to Sam's chest. The boy stared at it.

"I dunno."

"Where did los Transformadores go?" fig asked, looking around.

"Either on patrol or with the boss bot pickin' up some newbies." glen answered.

"Aw, c'mon guys, there has to be something to do, I mean, they frickin' stocked this place when it was made." Said will as he walked towards one of the storage compartments. He got a grunted answer from them all.

"¡Amigo! ¡ Acabo de solucionar el problema del aburrimiento!" Fig said, bending down at a cabinet. Everyone looked at him.

"English Fig... English..." Lennox said in exasperation... he was really going to have to break him of the habit. The soldier stood up, grin on his face, holding a white box. Everyone stared at it before one of Lennox's men laughed.

"You got to be kiddin' me man... Twister?"

"Awe c'mon, I used to love playin' this with my siblings when we were little." he said, looking down at the box.

"I know a few guys who played it over when we were in Iraq." Epps said. " I think the general did it too." he said as Fig walked over. Lennox looked at the kids who were looking at the box.

"What do ya say? We'll make it interesting or something." he said and they contemplated it. Sam swatted the feather away and sat up.

"I'm game."

"Me too." Mikaela said.

"Oh fine... Glen?" Maggie looked at her friend.

"I'll ref dude, I DON'T play twister.. At all.. Like.. Ever." he said, causing them all to laugh as they began moving things out of the way.

The 'bots moved down the hall in unison, some talking to one another, some taking in the new base they hadn't seen before. Bumblebee was bouncing beside Mirage.

"Wait till you meet Sam!" he said happily.

"Chill out Triple B." Jazz laughed. " he can meet your boyfriend later." he said.

"Speaking off.. Where is everyone?" Ratchet asked. " I thought we would have at least met Captain Lennox when we walked in." Ironhide shrugged his shoulders.

"Hey, move you get me in the eye."

"Whoops, sorry Will."

"Right hand green..."

"Awe dammit, not this again."

"Más vale que alguien mueva su trasero de mi cara ¡LENNOX! NO PIQUES!"

"**ENGLISH FIG!"**

_**THUD!**_

"YOU FAIL! With a capitol F..! Get off the board."

The 'bots looked at one another in curiosity and confusion.

"I think we found them." Sideswipe said as they all head towards the rec room where the voices were hailing from. When they got there, however, they were met by a most amusing sight. In the middle of the room there was a white mat laid out. Four rows of different colored dots were inked onto the mat. Sam, Lennox, Fig and Maggie were twisted together on the map, different parts of their bodies placed on a different colored circle. Jazz tilted his head.

"That doesn't look comfortable..." he said as Glen flicked a black pointed on a small board.

"Left foot red." he said as Sam laughed, shifting his foot. Lennox grumbled.

"You just **have** to be difficult, don't you Sam?" he asked, looking up at the boy from his position on the mat.

"Snooze ya loose Will–hey Bee!!" Sam looked up to see the Camaro staring at him. Sam was flipped, almost on his stomach with his leg stretched beneath Epps stomach and his elbow right underneath Maggie's chin.

"S-Sam.. What in the name of Cybertron are you doing?" Bumblebee asked as the teen grinned.

"Playin' Twister- HEY ! No tickling Maggie! Not FAIR!"

"Sorry Sam..."

"Twister?" Ironhide asked as he moved into the room, watching Lennox.

"It's a board game... kinda." he said in a strained voice.

"A game?" Wheeljack asked.

"Mikaela, mind explainin?" Glen asked, flicking the board game. " Left elbow blue." he said as Mikaela looked up at the Autobtos.

"There s a mat and a board with the colors on it. Glen flicks the spinner. And say, if it's left foot on green, you have to place your left foot on a green circle, but no two people can have an appendage on the same circle... if you fall, you're done, and the last person that hasn't fallen is the winner." she said as Maggie flopped onto the ground.

"You're done Mag's, try to get out of there."

"Can I molest Sam on the way?"

"Don't touch me woman!" She snickered, climbing from underneath the men that were still on the board.

"How can you... _move_ like that? It looks painful." Hoist said, watching Sam move beneath Epps.

"Not really, you just have to be REALLY flexible.." he answered.

"I wanna play!!!" Sideswipe activated his hologram and Ratchet would have rolled his optics if he could.

"Sparklings.. All of you..." he muttered.

–3 hours later–

"Right foot red"

"Oh shit, I need a red."

"Hello Sam's ass."

"Sideswipe, you do ANYTHING to my human and I will paint you neon pink."

"Left foot blue."

"I'm too old for this."

"Just move your arm Ironhide or I'll order you to do it."

"Shut up Prime..."

"Deberíamos mandar esto AFV... Seríamos ricos..."

"English Fig.. Speak. Freaking. English."

"OOF!"

"Haha, Sunny fell on a yellow circle! Oof!"

"That will teach you..."

"Shut up daffodil–"

"Boys, will you fight **OFF** of the mat... so the **REST** of us don't fall!"

"Sorry Prowl."

"NONE of this goes beyond this room... got it?"

"Crystal... _sir."_

I couldn't help it, Optimus and Prowl getting in on the fun is just TOO much fun in itself XD As for using OTHER extremities of the body, me and my cousins would often switch around the rules and use elbows and knees, it made it harder and much more fun.

Fig Translation:(might not be accurate, I used a translator)

Deberíamos mandar esto AFV... Seríamos ricos.. We should put this on AFV... we'd be rich

Más vale que alguien mueva su trasero de mi cara ¡LENNOX! NO PIQUES! Someone better get their ass out of my face. LENNOX! Don't POKE me!

¡Amigo! ¡ Acabo de solucionar el problema del aburrimiento! Dude! I just solved the boredom problem!

Los Transformadores The Transformers.


	10. Individuality

1Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers... this is HasTak's swimming pool, I'm just floating around in it for a while. Nor do I own the songs " Wrapped up" and "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor", They belong to Garth Brooks and Drowning Pool.

Author's Note: This was an idea spawned from too much tf2007fun on Livejournal. Don't take ANY of it completely serious, because I'm just doing this as a means to entertain myself and those that read it. These are suggestions mostly from those on Tf2007fun.. Have at em kiddies

Warning: nothing too bad, just using a friend's OC, Ashley.

* * *

Humanity For Dummies: Autobot Edition

Chapter 10:

91. Individuality

* * *

When Optimus had the time to spare, he watched his human ward... closely. She wasn't extraordinary, but nor was she dreadfully plain. In fact, the more he watched her, the more his processor couldn't categorize her. She was young, but then again, to a Transformer, all humans were young– but she was terribly young. Sam and Mikaela were terribly young... he didn't want to even get started on little Annabelle Lennox.

But it wasn't her age that made her young, no, he thought, there was something else... she was very different form them. He smiled to himself, so different, in fact, she'd managed to screw with Prowl's processor so much he started giggling. If Prowl's processor weren't so delicate and important, he would have laughed himself, after all, Prowl did NOT giggle. Ever.

He was brought out of his reverie when he heard her familiar laugh echoing down the hallways as music– no doubt from Jazz– blared at detrimental levels.

_"How do I need you?_

_Well can't you tell?_

_I need you like a penny_

_Needs a wishing well._

_Leave me, completely_

_Wrapped up in you."_

He watched as the young red head literally bounced towards his location, customary tanned cowboy hat atop her head and shoes slightly untied. He tilted his head and watched the bounce off a pale, freckled face.

"I'm gon' have ta teach you how to dance Jazzy-poozle!" she said, using another interesting talent– creating embarrassing names for every single bot (but himself, and he'd like to keep it that way). She caught sight of him and grinned, running over and attaching herself to his foot in which she said was a proper glomp. He had a feeling the word was not a real word, he could not find the Webster's definition to it. It looked slightly painful sometimes, but it made her happy, and she smiled a lot, so he said nothing on it.

"Heya boss bot." she said throwing herself into his hand when it was offered.

"Hello Ashley." he rumbled and she laughed.

"I've come to tell you I'm confiscating Jazz, Ironhide and Bumblebee for the afternoon." she said.

Optimus had gotten used to her blatant display of what Prowl would call insubordination. He wasn't bothered by it, really, that's just how she was. It was a personality quirk that made her very interesting. Perhaps he would someday show Prowl just how much by telling him the story of how she told Starscream he had to hop off of his menstrual cycle and act like a real bot. And then how she proceeded to tell him that her unintelligent bovine animals could lead the Decepticons better than he could. Even Optimus wondered how she was still alive today, because it seemed that every time they came face to face with the Jet, she and Sam had new insults to throw at him. He was beginning to believe they sat for hours on end coming up with them.

"Oh? And why are you commandeering my men?" he asked as the little red head laughed lightly.

"Ironhide needs to learn how to brand a cow, and I wanna see him try and ride Tiny." her grin widened and Optimus almost felt sorry for his weapons specialist. He knew who Tiny was, he'd SEEN Tiny... he did not LIKE Tiny. At all.

"Then why are you bringing Jazz and Bumblebee?"

"Oh, they're gonna be tha' peanut gallery when 'Hide falls on his bum. See ya later big bot!"

He almost panicked when she vaulted from his hand and landed on Jazz's shoulder, sprawled out.

"Wow! That was like Spiderman, only way cooler! C'mon Jazzy-belle, let's Git-R-Dun – Bye OP!" Optimus watched the two of them leave the vicinity and shook his head with a chuckle as he realized something.

Humans were individuals, unique from one another in so many ways, he was sure Red Alert would be a permanent mental case if he came in contact with one of them. Ashley– who he could now hear singing something about bodies hitting the floor– was a perfect example of human individuality and freedom. Cybertronians, though thee were no two bots the same, didn't have the extensive individuality that the humans displayed. They had a purpose from their creation, and their entire existence was to fulfill that purpose. Humans, however, had the freedoms to do whatever they wanted. So many possibilities were open to choose from– Doctors, Lawyers, CSI agent, teachers, leaders, singers. The lists went on and on. He couldn't help but be a bit envious of that freedom and individualism. Perhaps.. If the war ended, he and his people would be able to enjoy that as well.

* * *

When individuality was suggested for this, I couldn't wait to work on it. Especially if it involved being totally random and at times, not making any sense. My friend suggested using her OC, and I decided I would. Optimus just seems like the type to be able to get along with the little country girls. And yes... Tiny is a bull, and yes, he's real... My Aunt's boyfriend owns a farm, and he has a bull, bout... 400-600 lbs... names Tiny...

Individuality proves to be a wide subject that had a large possibility of confusing and intriguing the Autobots. Now, I'm not saying the bots aren't unique, after all, they have their own minds, but they just don't have the freedoms and choices that humans do. They were created for a purpose. They know how to do their job from creation. Humans can usually do whatever they want to, and I can see some of the bots being envious of that kind of freedom.


	11. Phobias

1Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers... this is HasTak's swimming pool, I'm just floating around in it for a while. Info is from some yahoo source.

Author's Note: This was an idea spawned from too much tf2007fun on Livejournal. Don't take ANY of it completely serious, because I'm just doing this as a means to entertain myself and those that read it. These are suggestions mostly from those on Tf2007fun... Reviews are appreciated, not mandatory... Have at em kiddies

Warning: Nothing really, slash if you squint.

Humanity For Dummies: Autobot Edition

Chapter 11:

74. Phobias

* * *

Sam looked around, one eyebrow risen higher than the other. He was beginning to believe his Governments good will and comfortable outward appearance was nothing more than that... an outward appearance. They were freakin' stingy! The place that had been given to the Autobots was an old army base that no one, not even Lennox or Epps even knew had existed.

"So... You're all supposed to fit in here?" Glen asked, voice portraying the disbelief that Sam's face was showing. The place was crowded already with the seven bots already there (Sunstreaker and Sideswipe and Prowl having Landed a few weeks ago) and none of them could really see how they were going to make it BIG enough to fit all of the bots in there at all. It was Wheeljack that answered.

"It will suit us fine for now, besides, once we begin our construction, most of the facility will be underground." he said

"It's dusty, it's dirty, there are rodents all over the place-."

"Sunny, suit yer complainin'. Jus' be happy the humans aren't kickin' us out of their country." Ironhide said gruffly, moving an ancient computer out of his way towards a discard pike.

"I'd like to see them try..."

"Cool it Daffodil, I brought down Blackout, I can bring you down too." Lennox said, not in a very good mood because of the place and because of the hot weather. Sunstreaker narrowed his optics at the captain but refrained from anything else when he caught the look on the Weapons Specialist's face. He and his brother had both learned the hard way that you didn't mess with Ironhide's human or Ironhide's human's sparkling.. BAD things happened.

"He's right though, I mean, the least they coulda done was give you a better place to stay, this is really stingy." Sam said as Bumblebee stepped over him.

"We're grateful either way." Optimus spoke, putting finality to the subject as they all got to work on cleaning out the space.

The bots had taken on the bigger parts of the hanger while sending the humans into the adjoining rooms where they couldn't go. It was partially to keep them out from underfoot, and for the fact that the rooms were filled with things they were too big to handle. Most of the rooms were filled with outdated equipment and files willed with reports that didn't even make sense.

"Look at all the TREES they killed." Sam whined as he moved another box out of his way.

Suddenly he froze, his eyes wide, pupils dilated and mouth open widen in surprise and fear. The following yell rebounded off of the walls of the hangar, turning everyone's attention to the smaller room adjacent to the main hangar. Sam pushed himself back , scrambling over crates before falling to his butt, chest heaving with breath as adrenaline rushed through his veins.

"Sam? Sam!" bumblebee called frantically, bending to look in the room at his disturbed charge. Maggie and Mikaela dropped down next to the wide eyed teenager. He was trembling, still staring at the spot he'd just been.

"Sam? Sam are you okay?" Mikaela asked, shaking his shoulder, he said nothing.

"Sam, buddy talk to us." Lennox said.

"Buh, spuh.. Big.. Spy..." 

Lennox looked over at the shelf Sam had so abruptly left and got up. He walked over and moved a few of the piles Sam had knocked over. Bending down, he spotted the source of the boy's outburst and whistled.

"Shiiiiittttt, " he said, " hey guys, go get Sam a ... drink or somethin'. Glen, hand me that little jar over there." Mikaela and Maggie helped the trembling boy up and out of the room where the yellow scout and the other bots were standing, waiting to find out just what had happened. Bumblebee immediately set his hand down for Sam, looking just as concerned as a few of the other bots, if not curious.

"Sam? Are you okay?" the yellow bot asked as his charge practically collapsed against the offered hand gratefully.

"Your heart rate has increased and your body is fueled by high adrenaline levels, indicating that you were severely frightened." said Ratchet, running a scan on the boy.

Mikaela gave him a withering look.

"Thanks captain obvious.. Really."

"Sam? What had you so scared?" Bumblebee questioned, tilting his head to the side a little.

"This."

Everyone turned to see Lennox and Glen standing just outside of the door. Will was holding an old jar in his hands with an 8 legged insect sitting inside it passively. Sam whimpered and tried to push himself farther into his guardian's hands. His heart began to pound again.

"An _Araneus diadematus_ from the family Araneidae." Wheeljack surmised, looking at the creature curiously.

"'Jack... here, we call them Garden Spiders." Glen said, giving the scientist a raised eyebrow.

"Sorry..."

"You were frightened... of a bug?" Ironhide asked incredulously.

"It's huge!" Sam protested, watching Mikaela tap the glass jar causing the spider to scuttle around a bit.

"It's fraggin' TINY." Sideswipe said.

"It's hu– NO! Don't open it!" he practically yelled at Mikaela.

"Sam.. It's not going to hurt you." Bumblebee said, looking down at him.

"I know that!"

"Then why are you afraid of it?"

"Because I am!"

"But why?"

"Bee! Stop being difficult."

"I am only trying to–."

"It's called Arachniphobia." Maggie interrupted, earning everyone else's attention on her. She was looking at Sam in sympathy.

"Archy who?" Sunstreaker asked, arms crossed.

"Arachnaphobia... it's the extreme irrational fear of spiders in general. Phobias like this can be really serious and mentally frightening." She explained as Sam watched the jar closely, as if the spider was going to jump out and eat his face.

"I've always been afraid of spiders..." he mumbled.

"So.. He's got a phobia?" Maggie nodded.

"At least it's not ridiculous, my father had Dendrophobia– fear of trees." she said

"We knew a guy on base who had a bad case of Linophobia." Epps said as he now stood next to Lennox. The army captain laughed.

"Yeah, I remember him, he was afraid of string." At everyone's laughter, he held up his hand.

"Honest to god dude, man wouldn't even go near a pair of shoes unless they had buckles on them."

"As hilarious as these phobias are, would you just get rid of the arachnid? You're making Sam very uncomfortable." Ratchet pointed out.

"Sorry kid." Lennox said, still laughing about the phobia ridden army pal. He walked outside to dispose of the little insect. Sam visibly relaxed.

"Alright guys, get back to work."

"The boy takes Megatron head on... and he's afraid of a bug..."

"Don't worry Sam, I'll protect you."

"Shut up Bumblebee..."

* * *

That was fun, especially since I know how people act with that kind of phobia. I can't go in a room unless a spider in it is killed. I've hyperventilated a few times when one of them was crawling around on the ceiling... and daddy-long-legs are tiny little shits.

Just as an after though.. It'd be funny if Sunny were an Amathophobe. Amathophobia is the fear of dust XD.


	12. Abortion

1Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers... this is HasTak's swimming pool, I'm just floating around in it for a while. Info is from some yahoo source.

Author's Note: This was an idea spawned from too much tf2007fun on Livejournal. Don't take ANY of it completely serious, because I'm just doing this as a means to entertain myself and those that read it. These are suggestions mostly from those on Tf2007fun.. Have at em kiddies

Warning:**VERY CONTROVERSIAL TOPIC, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK PLEASE**

Humanity For Dummies: Autobot Edition

Chapter 12:

31. Abortion. 

* * *

Sam and Mikaela sat together off to the one side of the gathering of humans and bots. They were discussing something between the two of them quietly. Faces expressed worry and indecision. This made Bumblebee nervous. He didn't like to think that there was a possibility that they were breaking up, or that there was something far to secretive that they couldn't discuss it with him. He ran all sorts of memory progras and none of them showed any sign of something being wrong, at all.

"Hey Bee.. What's with Sam and Kae?" Lennox asked, finally noticing that their youngest comrades were not sitting and talking with the group.

"I don't know... it's making me nervous." he said, not noticing that the two had finally walked over to them.

"Oh.. Bee, it doesn't... have anything to do with you." Mikaela reassured him, Sam nodded his agreement.

"Yeah, no sweat buddy." but the boy still looked nervous and emotional.

"Everything okay guys? You look a bti down in the dumps." Maggie asked and the two of them looked at each other.

"Not... really." Sam finally said, collapsing against Bumblebee's foot, Mikaela following him.

"What is wrong?" Optimus asked, concern filling his optics.

"There's... a big choice we have to make.. And it's scary." Mikaela said.

"You're not being threatened by Decepticons are you?" Prowl asked.

"N-no, it's nothing like that.. I'm... I'm pregnant." Mikaela said.

There was a silence surrounding that statement, as the group looked at the two of them

"And.. It's Sam's.." Again, silence followed.

"Should I congratulate you, or wait until you explain what's wrong?" Lennox asked.

"What's pregnant mean?" Sunstreaker asked, looking to Ratchet.

"Look it up." the mech said gruffly, in no mood at the moment to explain human birthing or conception to the young bot. He already knew what this sort of news meant to the young couple and he wanted to see what they would do.

"Aren't soon-to-be parents supposed to be happy?" Ironhide questioned. " Why aren't you?"

The two teens fidgeted beneath all of the gazes directed on the two of them before Sam mustered the courage to speak up.

"We're still in highschool... I'm not even 19 yet... we can't raise a baby, neither of us." hs said, holding Mikaela's hand.

"I want to go to college.. I wand to live my life a bit first... I don't want to be a mom yet..." Mikaela added. Lennox gave them an understanding look.

"At least the two of you are smart enough to realize this, most kids your age don't." he said.

"What are you planning to do?" The humans noticed the sighed and gave the couple sympathetic looks.

"I..." Mikaela looked at Sam, who held her hand tighter and nodded. "I think I'm going to have an abortion."

Again, the dreaded silence followed the statement. The bots looked at each other confused. Non of them, aside from Ratchet, even knew what an abortion was. Ratchet gave the two of them a calculating look.

"Are you sure this is what you want? Once the decision is made, you cannot go back." he asked, the voice of the good doctor remaining neutral, as he knew he should be at the moment.

"We talked about it a lot, and it's the best way we know how right now. Especially with the way our parents would react, we think they might have suggested the same thing." Sam said

"Hold up yo! What's an abortion?" Jazz asked, thoroughly confused, and without thinking, Ratchet answered.

"The termination of an unborn human before it develops fully into a baby." he said, scientifically. The outburst that followed left his audio receptors ringing.

"You purposefully kill your own sparklings!"

"Termination! You think that makes you a god or something?"

".. If it's the best choice..."

"Disgusting!.. just like the Decepticons."

The noise and accusations continued, causing Sam and Mikaela to become more distressed and withdrawn, holding each other closer as Mikaela was on the verge of tears. Bumblebee was allowing them to lean into his warm hands, giving them all the comfort he could. Optimus's optics lit up angrily.

"**SILENCE!**" he boomed, successfully shutting up everyone. None of them had heard their leader yell that loud or that angrily ever... and it was proff that Optimus was, indeed, related to Megatron. He looked at them all intensely.

"I am ashamed of your behavior." he said.

"Sam and Mikaela have a choice about their future they're trying to make– your outbursts are not helping them at all."

"But Optimus! Killing their sparklings?"

"It's not actually proven that the fetus is an actual human bein' though, it's a REALLY controversial topic." Glen said, trying to quell the fighting and tension.

"Either way.. It's not your right to choose, nor decide their fate for them... they have a right to choose for themselves." he said, looking around at a few of the guilty faces. He then turned to the two teenagers, huddled together. He immediately went into what Lennox called concerned father-bot mode.

"Sam... Mikaela... whichever choice you make... know that you have my support... and you may seek me out, if you need me." he said gently. Bumblebee nodded vigorously, agreeing with his leader.

"Thanks... Optimus... that means a lot to us." Sam said with a small smile.

"C'mon you two." Lennox walked over to them, putting a hand on both their shoulders.

"Let's go find you a CREDIBLE doctor to do this. If you need, I'll sign the papers." he said

"I will help– I do not trust human doctors as far as they could throw me." Ratchet said and followed, leaving the silent others behind them.

* * *

Because this is a really touchy subject, I was walking on glass. I have my own views, but tried to put all sides of the argument in here to satisfy everyone's views. I really don't need a riot or anything. Because of the situation with no allspark and no femmes and recent sparklings, I figured that some of the bots wouldn't like the idea of abortion. However, I did want Optimus to be fairly neutral and supportive. Sort of like the voice of reason, want that wanted what was best for those in the situation. Ratchet is the doctor, they normally have to be always-sorta-mostly neutral. Reviews are appreciated, not mandatory.


	13. Body Art

1Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers... this is HasTak's swimming pool, I'm just floating around in it for a while. Info is from some yahoo source.

Author's Note: This was an idea spawned from too much tf2007fun on Livejournal. Don't take ANY of it completely serious, because I'm just doing this as a means to entertain myself and those that read it. These are suggestions mostly from those on Tf2007fun.. Have at em kiddies

Warning: mentions of slashy content

Humanity For Dummies: Autobot Edition

Chapter 13:

9. Body Art

"Oh c'mon Sam."

"I don't LIKE pain! What part of that don't you understand?"

"That is so not what Bumblebee told me."

"Mikaela!" Sam whined, trying to pout. It normally worked well enough on his mom and Bumblebee. It seemed, though, that Mikaela was immune to it, as she rolled her eyes.

"Please Sam? Look at you, you've buffed up a bit, it would look perfect on you. You need something to liven up that new body." she was right. With all of the running and training and trying to keep up with his towering friends, Sam had put a little muscle on him. Not enough to categorize him with Lennox and his men, but enough to let those who looked at him know that he was at least active.

"Why... do you want to get a tattoo so bad?" he asked and Mikaela internally smirked, she could see that she'd gotten a little bit of his attention.

"I've always wanted one, I've just never had the gumption to get it. Think about it. We could get Autobot insignias, it would be like we were really one of them." She really did smirk this time. " And don't tell me that Bumblebee wouldn't like seeing his name branded on you somewhere. It'd give him a lil ego trip." Sam sighed, knowing that he was never good at arguing unless he knew that he could win. It was always a thing with the younger population of the " Autobot Army". They never really felt like they were part of anything. Oh, they knew they were very close friends, allies and special individuals, but maybe... getting the actually branding.. Was something that would make them even closer members, on the same level as the Autobots.

"Oh alright... fine." She squealed happily and pounced him.

"Thank you SAM!"

"Who're we gonna take with us? And how are we going to find out how to spell bee's name in Cybertronian?" They were silent for a moment before grinning at each otehr and running from the room, shouting.

"Bluestreak!!"

...

...

...

Bumblebee looked around the rec room in confusion. He'd checked all over the base and STILL hadn't found Sam. This had been his last choice.

"What's up triple B?" Jazz asked.

"Sam, he's disappeared... again."

"Oh, ah saw him and 'Kaela leavin' earlier wit Blue." he said, returning his gaze to the large HD screen. He was playing a racing video game with, surprisingly, Optimus. The big bot seemed to be winning.

"But... why?"

"Ah dunno– hey! Not fair!" Optimus chuckled, his vehicle having just run Jazz's off the road for the eighth time in a row.

"Pay more attention then Jazz, and these mishaps wouldn't happen." Jazz grumbled.

"Primus damned bot.. You're always good at everything..." Optimus chuckled again, not bothering to correct him. Bumblebee ignored both of them and plopped himself down next to the commander, sulking.

Not more than a few hours later, and a few more bots and humans entering the room to watch the now racing competition going on between Optimus and Sideswipe, Bumblebee heard Sam's distinct voice, arguing with Mikaela's.

"I can't believe I let you talk me into doing that..."

"Oh c'mon, it's hot, Bee will love it."

"That's the last time I let the two of you alone, you conspire against me..."

"He'll appreciate it Sam."

"Enough that he'll jump my bones and I'll walk funny for a week!"

"Shut up, you like it."

"Hey Blue, you're silent buddy, something wrong?" Bumblebee watched the three of them enter the room. The two teenagers were looking up at the blue-grey autobot escorting them.

"I'm contemplating on whether or not I should have Ratchet give you a processor check, or just commit you myself to a mental hospital..." he said, looking down at them

"We're not mental Blu–hey Bee!" sam grinned, seeing his partner.

"Not mental!? You voluntarily allowed another human to STAB you_** multiple times**_ with a sharp needle!" he said in obvious distress. That certainly caught the attention of those in the room.

"You did WHAT?" Ratchet roared as Bumblebee began to prod at his little human to try and find out if he was perfectly alright. Ironhide was already grumbling about ignoring Prime's orders about not harming humans.

"Will you guys stop? We went to get tattoos! Not some secret bondage torture session." Mikaela said, rolling her eyes. This silenced most of the outbursts.

"What's a tattoo?" Perceptor asked innocently.

"It's an image that they allowed another human to _stab_ in them!" Bluestreak said, flailing his arms.

"Blue, cool your jets pal– expression guys, expression–, you're startin' to sound like Red Alert." Sam said.

"But I saw them!" he objected.

"He was doing what we paid him to d–."

"You paid some random human to stab you?" Sunstreaker asked incredulously.

"Oh for the love of Primus will you guys quit it? Look."

Mikaela held out her right arm and lifted the hem of Sam's t-shirt. There in red in the inside of her arm, a few inches from her wrist, was the red Autobot insignia with a feminine design swirling behind it. Both were outlined in black. On Sam's pelvic area, just on his right hip bone, was the same insignia with yellow and black Cybertronian beneath it. The mechanical looking script was very detailed. It was Bumblebee's name. Sam was blushing, he really didn't like all of this public attention to his body... really he didn't.

"I... what is that?" sideswipe asked, bending to look at them.

"Those are the tattoos." Mikaela said. " They're images on the skin. But so they can be permanent, a tattooist has to use a needle to inject it deep enough in the skin that it won't go away." sh said. They inspected the workmanship in wonder.

"So.. You weren't being harmed?" Ratchet questioned.

"It hurt a little, but so does getting a flue shot or something..not too bad." Sam said. Bumblebee ran a finger over the still red flesh.

"Why my name?" he asked

"Oh, Mikaela wanted to give you another reason to pounce me. She's a closet voyeur." he said and She grinned.

"Because it's Sexy. Your name looks good on him Bee." she said and Sideswipe tilted his head, grinning.

"Hey Bee, your lil human is_** branded**_ now. He's property." Sam gaped like a fish as Bumblebee made a happy twittering sound and grinned. Ironhide looked contemplative.

"I have to go find Lennox..."

...

...

..

.

Good? Bad? Sorry for the delay, as stated, I've been so very busy and haven't had time to get to these, but look for them to start popping up again. Reviews are appreciated, but not mandatory.


	14. Broken Bones

1Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers... this is HasTak's swimming pool, I'm just floating around in it for a while. Info is from some yahoo source.

Author's Note: This was an idea spawned from too much tf2007fun on Livejournal. Don't take ANY of it completely serious, because I'm just doing this as a means to entertain myself and those that read it. These are suggestions mostly from those on Tf2007fun.. Have at em kiddies

Warning: mentions of slashy content

Humanity For Dummies: Autobot Edition

Chapter 14:

79. Broken Bones

It was a nice day, one of the only ones since the week before last. The Autobots had never seen that much rain before. Now, the entire base had decided to take advantage of the day– it was time for some time off, no one disagreed, not even the local work-o-holic, Prowl. Currently, the mechanical population was watching a kickball game between their human companions.

"It's amusing, that they find entertainment in the most... simplest of ways.." Sideswipe observed.

"What's so fun about getting dirty and kicking around a rubber ball filled with air? It's pointless." Sunstreaker gruffed, watching Mikaela run into the "outfield" to catch a high ball kicked by Lennox.

"At least they do something productive with their boredom, unlike you two." Ratchet groused, glaring from above Ironhide. Said black bot was lazing in the Medic's lap, lazily watching the game.

"But we do productify our boredom. We annoy the slag out of all of you. That's fun."

"Shut up Sideswipe." They all chorused.

"Hush, hush." Bumblebee waved his hand behind him at the others, his attention solely on his little human who was up to the plate. Contrary to popular belief, Sam was pretty athletic for one who had never been in a sport. Of course, he wasn't totally athletic, but he DID pride himself in the fact that he could run. After all, it had kept him** alive.**

"Two gallons of high grade says he gets to 3rd before anyone get's the ball at all." Sideswipe said, looking at his brother.

"Frag no.. he's not THAT fast. Two says he gets to second. He doesn't have the stamina." Bumblebee just grinned to himself, not tearing his eyes away from Sam, and unaware that the older bots were watching him.

"Ten says Sam kicks the ball far enough that he can run all bases before anyone gets the ball."

Silence met his challenge before the twins roared with laughter.

"Ratchet needs to check your processor youngling. No way." Sideswipe said, but they agreed to the bet either way. Bumblebee settled himself down, quite confident in his prediction.

"You boys just sealed your doom.. And the clearing out of your entire high grade stash." Ironhide rumbled.

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...

...

Sam stepped up to the plate and watched Lennox carefully. He wouldn't consider himself good at most things, but he knew that he could kick decently, and he could run, and that was all that he needed. The older man rolled the ball to him and with a grunt, Sam swing his leg, kicking the ball. All eyes and optics watched the red ball soar into the outfield and continue to bounce it's way out of reach.

"GO SAM!" Maggie yelled, jumping up and down as Epps began running after the ball. Sam bolted towards first...

...Then second...

...Then third... he was heading towards home, unaware of his slowly untying shoe.

"Sam! Go Sam Go!!" Mikaela was jumping and laughing now. Closer... closer...

"He felt his momentum get the best of him and his left foot got caught up in his untied shoelaces.

...

**CRACK!**

...

Sam's yell caught the immediate attention of all present. Bumblebee had jolted and ran towards his ward who was cradling his right arm, gritting his teeth in the effort not to cry in pain.

"Sam, are you okay?" Mikaela asked as Ratchet activated his holoform, bending down near the whimpering teenager.

"Let me see it Sam." he said gently. The brunette let go of his throbbing arm and allowed the medic to poke and prod until he reached his elbow. Sam yelled again, accidentally kicking out at the medic's face as he scampered from him into Lennox.

"DON'T touch it!" he whined. Lennox took a good look at the arm.

"Sam, buddy, I think we better get you to a hospital and let em take a good look at that." he said, helping Sam to his feet.

"I will take you, I can get you there quicker." Ratchet offered, transforming and opening his doors.

"Will?" Epps asked and the Captain waved at him.

"We'll be back guys." and with that he climbed in and Ratchet pulled away, turning on his lights.

"What just happened?" Sideswipe asked as Bumblebee whimpered, he wanted his human back.

...

...

...

A few hours passed before Ratchet returned with the two humans. By then, everyone had migrated back into the air-conditioned base. Bumblebee twittered happily upon seeing Sam in one piece and laughing with Lennox.

"Hey guys, everything okay?" Jazz asked, having been just as worried as the others.

"Everything's fine now." Sam said, holding onto Bumblebee's finger.

"What happened?" the teenager held up his arm to show them the bright yellow cast enveloping it.

"I fell on my arm wrong and broke it." he said nonchalantly. They looked at the cast closely.

"So they gave you a new arm?" Sunstreaker asked, poking at it.

"No, they put a cast on it so I can't move it. That way, it'll heal right." he said and Lennox piped up.

"It'll be about six weeks till it's fully healed and that thing can come off."

"Why can't they just fix it? Like Ratchet?"

"Human bones are not made of the same materials as our frames. They're made of a substance that has to regrow itself once harmed." Ratchet explained.

"Sam's body will have to heal itself."

"That's gotta suck." Jazz laughed.

"Meh, sorta." Sam shrugged, but grinned. " And I so hit home base... so that means we win." he said and Mikaela and Maggie jumped around laughing. Bumblebee looked at the twins smugly.

"I do believe you owe me ten gallons of your highgrade." he said. They glared at him.

"Frag you..."

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...

...

Okay, so maybe military men won't play kickball.. But c'mon.. Kickball is fun.. Especially when it's a bunch of rowdy college students XD

Reviews aren't mandatory, but appreciated.


	15. Mustang vs Camaro

1Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers... this is HasTak's swimming pool, I'm just floating around in it for a while. Info is from some yahoo source.

Author's Note: This was an idea spawned from too much tf2007fun on Livejournal. Don't take ANY of it completely serious, because I'm just doing this as a means to entertain myself and those that read it. These are suggestions mostly from those on Tf2007fun.. Have at em kiddies

Information taken from wikipedia, Riley is taken from my fic **The Children of Primus**.

Warning: mentions of slashy content**.**

Humanity For Dummies: Autobot Edition

Chapter 15:

22. Mustang vs. Camaro

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...

He was nervous, far too nervous for how very still he was being. He could practically feel the other taunting him, waiting for him to move and fraggit, Bumblebee was close to doing so. All sensors were turned on the sleek black Saleen that seemed to be sitting placidly beside him, unmoving. Barricade was unmarked this time, but Bumblebee couldn't ever forget that spark signature. He wanted to growl, rumble, something to prove that this was Autobot territory and the Decepticon was not welcomed.

.: _Keep your fenders on youngling. I'm not here for you.:._ Was the grumbled response. It took Bumblebee aback. Okay, so if he wasn't there for him–

.:_Nor your precious little fleshling. I have no business with either of you today.:._

_.: So you're going to attack the rest of those innocent college students?!:._ Be snapped back.

.:_Do not try my patience Autobrat, it's already thin as it is–.:._ The tirade was abruptly stopped when a group of said college students began to pass by.

"Man, did any of you hear about that homework assignment for Prof Hardy?... _hello_." one of the boys had stopped, spotting both Cybertronians.

"Ho-shit man!" he exclaimed, startling both robots-in-disguise and successfully gaining the attention of his friends.

"What's up Matt?"

"Do you not see them?1" he practically squealed, jogging over to Barricade and Bumblebee. Both of them checked that everything was as it should be. It wouldn't do well for them to be caught, it was a mutual worry. They tensed as the boy's friends followed.

"Damn! Look at that Camaro dude!" Bumblebee felt hands running over his hood and repressed the much wanted shudder. He had no idea where that hand had been... and now it was on him...

"Camaro? **That's** a _Camaro?! _Dude, 2002 Camaros don't look that sweet."

"Is this a Saleen? You normally don't see any of these around unless you got a big wig brat in town." Barricade was on the verge of panicking and he didn't care if the Autobot beside him could tell or not. Why were these humans _touching_ him?

.:._Barricade?:._

_.:Touching.. They're __**touching**__ me with their sweaty– NO! Stay Out:._ He promptly locked his hood tight and Bumblebee could feel the tension rolling off the Decepticon in waves. It was disconcerting.

"Damn, I wanna see what's under the hood of this baby. Bet it's got tons of horses under there." said a blond haired male, walking around the black Mustang. Barricade followed him with as many sensors as he could without taking his full attention off of the crowd around him.

"I know what this baby is– it's one of those fifth generation Camaros. My dad told me that they aren't due off the assemble line til next year. How'd this guy get one?" Bumblebee frantically texted Sam in distress, keeping a few sensors on the slowly panicking Decepticon.

"Who cares about the Camaro. Mustangs are so much hotter." said a girl, leaning over on Barricade's hood.

_.: now that we've established my superior model– get the frag off of –.:._

"Are you whacked? Camaro's totally kick Mustang ass."

_.: Aft:. _Both Transformers replied mentally.

"C'mon, you all know this baby has more under the hood than that one. I mean, c'mon the horses have to be over 300."

"No you didn't!"

"Mustangs are so general! They're made all the time!"

And so, when Sam and Riley walked out of class together, they were highly surprised to see an enormous group of students accumulated around a black Saleen and yellow Camaro. They looked at one another and ran down to the crowd.

"What the hell is going on?" Sam asked, trying to push his way through.

"Big debate yo!" said some random student who'd listened to him.

"On what?"

"Which is better, Camaro or Mustang." he said, before turning his attention away from them.

"Oh, frag, this isn't good, especially with 'Cade's Sociophobia." Riley said, pulling Sam through the crowd.

"He's a sociophobe? Really?"

"He's _terrified_ of large groups of people.. Or people in general– just don't say anything. Really. Masculinity issues." she said as they finally broke through.

Inside the circle, two students were arguing, one standing near Bumblebee; the other, Barricade. They were egged on by the crowd around them.

"But the Mustang Saleen S281E has 550 horses in it's v8. It could run laps around that thing."

"The Camaro's body design is sleeker and rarer. Mustangs are made every produciton year. The Camaro isn't."

"Ford engines totally leave Chevy's in the dust."

"Chevy is the second best automaker in the world–."

"Only in sales prices!"

"Get them to stop...Now." Riley and Sam turned to see Barricade's holoform standing near Riley. His arms were crossed, he was pale and they could see him shaking. There was a scowl on his face.

"Sam, make them go away, please?" Bumblebee looked almost as stressed, shooting looks at the panicky Decepticon.

"They're _**touching**_ us." they said in unison.

"Alright, let us handle this." Riley said, walking forward.

Two loud beep, beeps startled the crowd as both Sam and Riley set off the car alarms.

"If you don't mind, take this debate somewhere else." she said, twirling the keys around ehr finger.

"Yeah, now I gotta go to the car wash again. I was supposed to take him to a show this weekend." Sam said as the people slowly moved away.

"These belong to you guys?" someone asked

"Uh... yeah."

"And you're friends?" another asked. The two of them looked at one another.

"Yah."

"Don't you ever get into fights? I mean... it's a _Camaro_ and a _Mustang._". Riley and Sam grinned and laughed.

"Honey, there is no competition. Because comparing our Mustang and Camaro to others... just ain't fair." and with that, the two of them climbed into their respected companions.

"Okay 'Cade, fire it up.. And to make up for all these people, I'll give you a _personal_ massage and bath."

Sam must have said something along the same lines because at the same time, Barricade and Bumblebee revved their engines as loudly as possible. The loud roar traveled through the parking lot. The crowd, stopped in amazement, looked at one another and began to dwindle as the vehicles pulled away.

"Who one?" someone asked

"Dunno... but I personally say Porsche is better."

"Oh, do NOT start man."

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...

Does anyone else want to cuddle the little sociophobic Decepticon? Because I want to just glomp the hell out of him. I know there are people out there who get into these debates all the time... my dad being one of them. It's always Ford vs Chevy or Ford vs Dodge. I, personally prefer Ford over everything else, however.. I would Not mind getting behind the wheel of a Camaro. XD hope you liked. Reviews are appreciated, not mandatory.


	16. DDR

1Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers... this is HasTak's swimming pool, I'm just floating around in it for a while. Info is from some yahoo source.

Author's Note: This was an idea spawned from too much tf2007fun on Livejournal. Don't take ANY of it completely serious, because I'm just doing this as a means to entertain myself and those that read it. These are suggestions mostly from those on Tf2007fun.. Have at em kiddies

Summary: Sideswipe get's what's coming to him... from a human.

Humanity For Dummies: Autobot Edition

Chapter 16:

11. Dance Dance Revolution

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Prowl had long since gotten used to human oddities. Every species had them, and this one was just full of them. Some he found interesting, most times though, they annoyed and confused him. However, he believed he could get used to the idea of the Japanese creation of Dance Dance Revolution, baring the annoying music of course. OH, he certainly wouldn't be caught DEAD playing it himself. After all, he had a reputation to uphold. That did not mean he couldn't enjoy the affects of having one stationed in the rec room per Sam's request.

For many years, Prowl had waited and waited for the twins to get what was coming to them. They were far too cocky and full of themselves he was sure they could share their ego with half of humanity. No one was able to out prank them or out do them at anything, they were just that good. Sideswipe was prank king and the only thing meaner than Sunstreaker was Mikaela's pitbull Rufus. So now, when payback decided to strike, he was right there, smirking with the rest of the bots as Sideswipe continually had his aft handed to him.. By an adolescent, Five foot eight, human teenager.

"Fraggit! Not again!" Sideswipe practically screamed as his holoform glared at the machine he was currently standing on. Sam stood next to him grinning and panting lightly. Those that collected around them, chuckled in mirth.

"Again."

"Give it up Siders, you just ain't god at this." Ironhide said, grinning just as wickedly as Prowl was. He could faintly see Ratchet across the room with a similar expression.

"Mute it!" the Lambo snapped and the fifteenth round of DDR began.

Holoform and human moved to the upbeat song that Prowl admitted was catchy. Their feet touched arrows in a patterned rythem, the only difference between the two being that Sam looked much more at ease... and his score bar was still flashing full and green. By the time the song had ended, Sam had, yet again, won, sending Sideswipe into a cursing fury. Prowl chuckled lightly as the holoform disappeared and the mech stomped from the room. Graceful, talented and expert Sideswipe may have been, and awkward, clumsy as Sam was, calculated mechanical processors just didn't have anything on human adaptation and skill. Sideswipe was going to be razzled about this for weeks to come... he'd make sure of it.

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Because Prowl needs to have the last laugh, that's why. XD. I liked this one a lot, just becuase I'm not very good at Prowl and I just wanted to see how I did portraying him. Sorry I've been gone for so long, it's been HELL lately. Reviews are appreciated.


	17. Boys will be Boys

1Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers... this is HasTak's swimming pool, I'm just floating around in it for a while. Info is from some yahoo source.

Author's Note: This was an idea spawned from too much tf2007fun on Livejournal. Don't take ANY of it completely serious, because I'm just doing this as a means to entertain myself and those that read it. These are suggestions mostly from those on Tf2007fun.. Have at em kiddies

Summary: Male immaturity and idiocy.

Humanity For Dummies: Autobot Edition

Chapter 17:

97. Boys Will be Boys

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Ironhide sat against the cool, shaded wall of the temporary base. It was much too sunny and much too warm for him, especially with his black coloring.

"Too hot." Anabelle whined from Sarah's lap as they too sat in the shade near the weapons specialist.

"I agree little one." Ironhide rumbled.

"I don't get it... it's at least 100 degrees outside and they're... building a fire..." Bumblebee said, chin on his hands and elbows on his knees.

"They're boys, what do you expect." Mrs. Epps said with a laugh as her husband let out a hoot as he threw another skid onto the growing pile of scrap from "base clean up."

"That's an established fact that they are of the male orientation. I do not see the relevance of that to the fact that they are acting irrationally." Ratchet huffed as Lennox and Epps poured what seemed to be gallons of gasolene onto the dry scrap. The women giggled.

"But that's exactly the point hun." Mrs. Epps said, " Men do what amuses them,.. If it means doing somethin' stupid while they get premature skin cancer, then they'll do it."

"Boys will be boys, as they say." Sarah added.

The 'bots watched as Lennox grabbed a box of matches. It was almost quiet as he struck the match pulled and threw it onto the pile, and bounced away to safety.

_**FWOOM!**_.

The pile burst into flames like a small explosion and the group of males just let out hoots of laughter, exclaiming at how big of a boom it mare.

Wheeljack scoffed at them.

"You call that impressive? I'll show you impressive." he said. The women, Ratchet and Ironhide shook their heads.

"Boys will be boys indeed."

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Okay... rule number one when you're around a bunch of imbecilic boys... stay away from them if they're talking about fireworks/fire and or M80's or Quarter sticks... The outcome is not pretty. Rule number two.. Bring a video recorder.. Blackmail is god... I wrote this after the fourth of July weekend... When my step dad, a bunch of his friends and my brother managed to blow apart our outdoor fire place...

In case you didn't know, skids are things that are placed under a surplus of items (like at Sam's club or walmart) that are usually picked up by a lift.


	18. Bullies

1Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers... this is HasTak's swimming pool, I'm just floating around in it for a while. Info is from some yahoo source.

Author's Note: This was an idea spawned from too much tf2007fun on Livejournal. Don't take ANY of it completely serious, because I'm just doing this as a means to entertain myself and those that read it. These are suggestions mostly from those on Tf2007fun.. Have at em kiddies

Summary: Sunstreaker doesn't like bullies.. At _all_..

Humanity For Dummies: Autobot Edition

Chapter 18:

36. Bullies

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Sunstreaker didn't know what to think when he got a frantic transmission from Bumblebee asking him to come to the school quickly. He didn't know why the young scout would call on him, but that didn't matter. Cool and collected Bumblebee only ever panicked for two reasons. Decepticons were either active, or his human was in distress and or danger. Considering the boy had been at the school place all morning, and Bee with him, it meant Sam was in trouble.

During normal circumstances, Sunstreaker wouldn't have really cared. Most humans amiliar with the Cybertronians stayed well away from the gold warrior. He liked to keep it that way. Sam Witwicky, on the other hand, was a completely different story. The young human didn't seem to have any fear of him, but really, he didn't blame him. Sam had gone up against Megatron and lived. That alone gained him some respect. Besides, Bumblebee was the twins' little friend. Sam meant a lot to the scout, so he was worth protecting in their optics. He was an Autobot because he saved Optimus– that was the other reason.

When he arrived at the school, Sunstreaker immediately spotted Bumblebee at the end of the parking lot. At that point, he noticed two things... One, Bumblebee was injured. His paint was scratched, two of his tires were slashed, and there was a spider web crack in the middle of his windshield. The second thing he noticed, was that Sam was MIA. He pulled up next to the Camaro.

.:_Bumblebee are you alright?:._

_.:S-Sunny?:._ came the disoriented question. He sounded like he was in pain.

_.:Yeah. What happened? Where is Sam?:._

_.: Couple of human males... Sam age?... slashed my tires... scratched me.. Broke my win'shield... with a bat?..."._ the Camaro shifted painfully

_.: _HUMANS_ did this to you?_:.

.: _SAM! Sam went after them! They'll hurt Sam–:._

_.: Chill out Bumblebee:._ He said, already seething._ .:Which way did they go?:._

_.: Around the building... I think.. Um.. Football? Someplace that has to do with football... ow...:._

_.: Don't worry...Bumblebee,_ Was all he said before he was rolling away. He called in Ironhide who's voice echoed out of his speakers.

"What'dya want Sunshine? I'm busy." The old weapons specialist groused.

"Bumblebee is injured." _That _got his attention.

"Injured? Was it Decepticons?"

"No... human teenagers."

"FRAG! Bet it's those bullies Sam talked 'bout. The kid okay?"

"I don't know. I'm about to find out. Bee needs attention now." there was an irritated clicking sound on the frequency.

"Ratch an' me are on our way.. Sunstreaker."

"Yes?"

"Ah can' believe I'm tellin' ya this... but don' do _too_ much damage. If it's too bad–."

"I'll call Prowl." he wouldn't need to, though, because if those bullies ( he'd have to look p that definition) hurt the boy... there'd be hell to pay.

When he reached the practice football field, his engine revved angrily when he saw a large group of teenagers. From with in the throng of people, he watched Sam tossed into the metal fencing. At this distance, he could see the boy's face covered with blood... scans indicated a broken nose, fractured wrist and multiple bruises and cuts viewable and in the process of forming. He knew Sam was a clutz, but he wasn't that bad, which meant that he'd been beaten up. That in itself made him angry, but the fact that they were laughing about it.. Made him seethe.

The stronger was supposed to protect the weaker.. It was the Autobot way and contrary to popular belief, Sunstreaker abided by those rules almost religiously, if not a bit violently. This would stop** now.** No one harmed a fellow Autobot without the consequences. Activating his holoform, he stomped towards them, scowl in place. He grit synthetic teeth when Sam was yanked back up onto his feet and punched in the stomach. Was it not obvious? The boy was barely conscious. The tall blond, who appeared to be the ring leader, stepped up, grabbing Sam's shirt.

"What now dimwicky? Ain't got your car, ain't got your girlfriend." Sam was shoved again and did his best glare in the state that he was in.

"Frag you." he coughed. Not a good move. Trent stepped forward again and grabbed Sam by the hair.

"Bad answer dickwicky." he pulled his arm back.

Suddenly, his fist was in a strong grasp. He looked up into the angry blue eyes of a tall blond. He tried pulling his hand away. No such luck, the grip tightened.

"Who the fuck are you? Mind your own damn business." he spat. The blond's eyes narrowed.

"Oh.. It's my business... you're messing with a friend of mine... I don't like that." he said, tone icy. The jock was either too stupid or unafraid as he tried pulling his hand away again.

"Tough luck Sunflower– Witfucky had it coming." Blue eyes narrowed further and Trent was seeing stars as Sunstreaker's fist slammed into his face.

"Bad answer... Trent Alexander DeMarco..." Trent stood and Sunstreaker brought his knee up into his chest, cracking a rib.

"You see.. My philosophy.. Is that the stronger protect the weaker... not beat them into piles of barely conscious scrap." Again he pulled his fist back and slammed forward.

He faintly heard Sam's labored breathing and looked over into the pained expression. He turned back to Trent, ready to pull his arm back.

"Sunstreaker.. That's enough." he stopped and turned to see Prowl's holoform.

"He deserves it." Prowl nodded.

"I know.. Let the authorities deal with it. That's enough." Sunstreaker stepped back, watching as the newly arrived Lennox gently picked Sam up.

"Will they get disciplined?" he asked, barely holding in anger.

"I've called local law enforcement... the fight is on school security tape. They will be punished." nodding, Sunstreaker began to walk away from Trent who looked rather relieved. However, he whipped back around and his fist connected with Trent's nose.

"I ever her you're bullying Sam again.. Or even coming near him for that matter... no one will save you.. Once I get hold of you." he stood straighter.

"And it's Witwicky... asshole."

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Big Brother Sunny's back and they're getting into trouble -dances- okay.. Being serious now.. I've witnessed some awful stuff in highschool, not to this degree.. But close to it... and there was never anyone like Sunny around to stop it...I liked this one though. It's one of my faves.


	19. Hard Gay

1Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers... this is HasTak's swimming pool, I'm just floating around in it for a while. I don't own "Hard Gay" either... seriously.

Author's Note: This was an idea spawned from too much tf2007fun on Livejournal. Don't take ANY of it completely serious, because I'm just doing this as a means to entertain myself and those that read it. These are suggestions mostly from those on Tf2007fun.. Have at em kiddies

Summary: Sunny and Sides are never allowed to surf youtube again. EVER.

Humanity For Dummies: Autobot Edition

Chapter 19:

17. Hard Gay

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Sunstreaker huffed and collapsed next to his brother on an Autobot-sized couch (compliments of Secretary Keller and the research team), in the rec room. Sideswipe gave a grunt of acknowledgment before returning to surfing the internet lazily. No one said anything to them, they knew better, especially when the golden warrior has that look on his face.

"M'bored." he muttered, shifting to that he was using Sideswipe's middle as a pillow. Those close enough to hear it, hurried out of the room. _I'm bored_ never meant anything good.

_:Me too:_ Sideswipe answered through their link. _: humans post the most random things on this youtube place.:_ Sunstreaker watched the vehicle add his brother was watching through the link. _:; did that Sportka just–.:_

_:Yup:_

_: Poor pidgeon:_

_: I thought it looked like fun:_

_:__**You**__ would:_

Silence fell around them once again as Sunny too began to surf youtube. The quiet didn't last too long after though, as something interesting caught his attention.

:_Sides:_

_:hmmm?:_

_:Look at this...:_

Immersing themselves in the bond, they watched the video with growing fascination and immense amusement, that is... until the Japanese man appeared.

All at once, both of them collapsed to the floor, cackling with intense, hysterical laughter. Sideswipe was pounding his fist against the floor and in an out of character moment, Sunstreaker was kicking his legs wildly. Those left in the room stared on in shock or complete horror.

"Er... Sunny? Sides?" Bluestreak approached them with extreme caution. The laughing fit slowly began to subside into little sniggers and snorts. Their vents were running on overtime as they tried to cool down from the overheating.

"Whu-Whut?"

"A-are you guys okay? I mean, one minute you were quiet, then the next you were just rolling around like you were _insane_ and that can't be good at all and maybe you should go see Ratchet or something." he finished.

They pushed themselves up, still snickering, and stood there. Collecting themselves and reassuring Bluestreak that nothing _drastic_ had happened, they looked at one another.

"Jazz, we've got to find Jazz."

And they bolted.

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Jazz sat in a chair, one leg propped on the other as he watched this video the twins had coaxed on him. Soon, he too mimicked their earlier tantrum and laughed uproariously.

"_That_ my friends in genuine HUMOR! S'genious!" he cackled and the twins grinned.

"Don't we know it. We were thinking along the lines of prank worthy material." Sideswipe said as Sunstreaker, oddly, nodded his head in agreement. Jazz, silentlyly, watched the video again, sniggering.

"He's flexible man... c'mon, doin' that all the time would get... tiring." they laughed again.

"I'd like to see Prowl's face if you did that..."

"Or Ratchet's."

"or... Primes..." their faces all went slack until utmost glee spread.

"Are ya'll thinkin' wha' I'm thinkin'?" jazz asked, his famous grin present on his face.

"I do believe we are my tiny sneaky little friend." Sideswipe said almost evilly. The base had no idea what they were in for.

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When Sam and Bumblebee entered the Rec room, things were oddly quiet and calm, which meant that the twins weren't there.

"Where'd they go man? I thought, y'know, they'd be causing havoc.. Imitating stunts from WipeOut.. It's Tuesday." he said.

"Haven't seen em since they got the case of the giggles earlier." Lennox said, sitting on Ironhide's shoulder. He spoke too soon though, as Jazz peeked his head into the room.

"Anyone seen Prowl around yo?"

"Not since this morning."

"Kay thanks!" he said and left.

"Everyone's going nuts..." Ironhide said, shaking his head. Bumblebee and Sam looked at one another and shrugged.

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Ratchet had just left Wheeljack's lab when the twins struck. Not paying attention to anything but the datapad in his hand explaining everything about the new tools engineered for him, he didn't see the red and gold warriors at the end of the hallway... That is.. Until it was too late. They jumped out from behind the wall, startling him. It didn't end there. His optics widened when Sideswipe thrust his hips, hands thrown into the air, both he and his brother exclaiming

'Hooooooooo!!" However, he collapsed to the floor in almost hilarity when Sunstreaker did the same with a demonic smirk on his face. Both of them stared down at the cackling medic in awe.

"Whoa..." sideswipe said in wonder just as Wheeljack's lab opened to reveal the engineer looking miffed and confused.

"What in the name of... What did you _do?_" he asked. Sideswipe looked up and repeated the action. Wheeljack stared at him and cocked his head.

"Okay.. Now how did you do that?"

...

...

Meanwhile, in another sector of the base, Jazz was sizing up his first victim. Bluestreak was chatting innocently with Blaster, cleaning a rather impressive looking cannon. He grinned and crept up on the two of them. Sensing the right time, the silver saboteur jumped out, put his hands behind his head as soon as he had their attention and _thrust_. Poor Bluestreak sputtered and flailed his arms, running off to find Hound, thoroughly scarred. Blaster stared open mouthed at his friend, who was still thrusting and saying something in Japanese that translated into "Hard Gay pelvic thrust," before he managed to black out. Jazz grinned and looked around. One target down.. Next up... Prowl. He walked off down the hallway.

...

...

Making sure they were far away from Ratchet when he got over his hysteric laughing fit, the twins pondered their next victims.

"We should do it to Arcee!!"

"Are you kidding! She'd beat the slag out of us."

"And Ratchet wouldn't?"

"Well.. Yeah, but he was _laughing_."

"Okay... who then...?" Silence followed until Sunstreaker caught sight of the perfect target. He tapped sideswipe and his twin paused, looking into the room. Bumblebee was sitting on the floor with Sam, playing a video game. They grinned... the corruption of today's young was a favorite past time, this would do nicely.

"Hey guys!!" Sam grinned and waved at the two heads poking into the room. Bumblebee looked over his shoulder and twittered at them in greeting as well. They said nothing and the two looked at one another.

"Guys... you okay?" Sam asked. Again, they said nothing, but grins slowly formed on their faces. Neither Bee nor Sam liked that look. Suddenly, they leapt into the room. Sam's eyes got big as soon as they thrust their hips forward a few times– again, exclaiming "hoooooo!!"– and promptly fell to his back rolling.

"Hard Gay!! They... they found HARD GAY!?" he practically yelled, laughing his ass off. Bumblebee was in a similar state, giggling, laughing and cackling, holding his middle as he rocked. Grinning at another success, the twins walked away proudly.

...

...

Jazz had manage to get everyone he could on his way to the rec room. It was getting around Prowl's break time and he wanted to get the Charger good. And so, that lead him to said room where he could see Hound gently soothing Blustreak who was babbling nonsense, and Ratchet, snorting and trying hard not to laugh. He grinned, the twins had gotten Hatchet?

"Heya Jazz." Sam said, trying to breath but cracking up again when Bumblebee made a sound similar to the twins.

"Heya kid.." he said, noticing that Bluestreak made a hurried get away from the rec room.

"Way to go Jazz." Hound huffed, but in good humor. The saboteur just grinned.

"Jazz... do you have a moment, I have something I want to discuss with you." Jazz froze and grinned to himself. Just the mech he wanted to see. Schooling his face, he turned to look at the taller charger.

"Yo, s'up Prowl? What ya wanna chat 'bout?" he asked as the other narrowed his blue eyes.

"What have I said about picking on Bluestreak? He's fragile minded as it is." he said

"Was just in good fun Prowler. Honest." he said.

"Might I ask what you did to scar him?" Prowl asked in mild curiosity. Those that had been on the receiving end of both the twins and Jazz, all face palmed. Jazz grinned.

Faster than Prowl could understand the situation, Jazz's arms were thrown into the air and he thrust his hips forward.

"HOOOO!!" he exclaimed joyously. Everyone in the room started to laugh again at the ridiculous hip movement. Prowl stood there for a moment longer, staring at Jazz thrusting his hips before–.

_**FZZT**_.

He promptly fell backwards into Prime, who'd just chosen that moment to walk in. He caught his unconscious Second in command and looked at Jazz who was still grinning, and still in the Pose. He made a sighing sound and looked around at those still cackling.

"You've gone and fritzed him again... Am I going to have to ban Hard Gay as well?" he asked

"How did you know what it was?" Jazz asked, still grinning. Optimus rubbed his optics.

"I was just pelvic thrusted in the hallway by Sideswipe and Sunstreaker... an image I would like to erase from memory banks if possible." he said, and from somewhere down the hallway a "HOOOOO!!" resounded off the walls.

...

Okay, so I'm not as proud of this as I wanted to be, but I couldn't pass this one up. For thsoe of you who DON'T know who Hard Gay is, you need to look him up on the internetz NOW! Oh, and the Sportka commercial too... the one with the black car.. It's most amusing. This sounded SO much better in my head... it really did... Reviews are appreciated, not mandatory.


	20. Birth

1Disclaimer: I don't own transformers. If I did, then there would be plenty of smut instead of just fangirl imagined sexual innuendos.

Author's note: This has been spawned from too much tf2007fuh on livejournal. I had fun making that, that's all that matters though right? Sorry it took too long to update it. There are two logically good reasons. One, College life has just been kicking my ass. I mean it, this semester had been fraggin' HORRIBLE! Two, I lost inspiration for a while. I was terribly too tired and exaughsted from class to even think about doing anything related to fics other than little one shots... So Withouth further adeui... chapter 20.

...

...

...

Warnings: none really..

Pairings: Subtle hints at willxSarahxIronhide... and by subtle, I mean you have to look hard enough.

...

Humanity for Dummies: Autobot Edition

Chapter 20.

24. Birth

...

...

Ironhide knes what it took to make a human sparkling. Ratchet had explained it and so had Will ( the latter in embarrassment). So it was not a surprise to him when Sarah announced that she was pregnant again. At the mention of pregnancy, the humans congratulated the Lennox's while the bots looked on in confusion. When explained to them, they too gave their congratulations. Though he would not show it or tell anyone, Ironhide was excited for the chance to dote on another mini-Lennox. After that, Sarah's moods began to fluctuate. She could go from loving mother to decepticon in 2.3 seconds. She had the weirdest cravings at odd times too. He watched will do his wife's beck and call. He thought that maybe it was because this was his first time around his wife during pregnancy. After all, the captain had been in iraq when little Annabelle was born. Speaking of, he thought it thoroughly amusing that the little blond didn't seem concerned about it too much. She was too young to understand. Lucky little sparkling.

Ironhide? He was just glad to be included in their little family.

Over the following months, Sarah grew moodier and bigger. At first, none of them understood why she was gaining weight. Then Sarah explained.

"I'm getting bigger because the baby is growing inside me. He will use me to get stronger and bigger. Then, in four months, I'll give birth."

They'd all looked that up. He cackled when the images of birth thoroughly grossed Sunstreaker out. As expected, Wheeljack and Ratchet thought it was the most fascinating thing ever. In existence... he knew they'd end up finding something new to obsess over when the baby was born. Ironhide personally thought it looked painful. When he mentioned it to Will, the captain just smiled and pat his door.

"All wirth it in the end buddy... all worth it." 'Hide hoped he was right, he didn't want anything to happen to the femme he'd become so close to.

Ironhide's first experience with baby Andrew was when he was watching Sarah one afternoon. The woman had decided she wanted to go sit out closer to the pasture. She enjoyed watchings the horses run. She'd looked up at him and grabbed his finger with a smile and pressed it against her stomach. He looked at her in confusion... that is, until he felt a tiny bump against his finger. He pulled it back in shock, causing the blond woman to laugh.

"That's Andrew, Ironhide, he kicked." she said. He looked at her in amazement.

"He was saying hello." And he bent again. From then on, Sarah allowed him to feel her stomach whenever he wanted. It was his way of getting to touch the sparkling's life, and secretly it comforted him to make sure the little sparkling was alright.

His second encounter with Andrew was during Sarah's sonograph visit to the doctor. Will was in a meeting with the Sec. Def. And Ironhide didn't want her to go alone.

"And who might this be?" the doctor had asked pleasantly. Sarah beat Ironhide to the answer.

"This is Andrew's Godfather, Ironhide." she said.

"Military nickname." Ironhide provided, his attention on Sarah, question in synthetic blue eyes. She just winked at him and his spark fluttered with a flighty happiness that had a stupid grin on his face for the rest of the day.

"Well, let's get started then shall we?"

--

"Is that?"

"See right there? That's Andrew's head. He's curled around this way." but Ironhide was watching the black and white screen, not listening to Sarah and the doctor converse. It was a very fuzzy image, primitive as most human machines tended to be, but he could make out Andrew's form... and he was once again amazed.

--

It was very hectic the day Ironhide finally got to meet Andrew. He and Will had been unloading hay from the loft when Sara let out a groan from the garden. Will dropped his bale and he and Ironhide, in holoform, ran out to meet her. She was holding her stomach, face contorted into discomfort. Will put his arms around her.

"Baby?" she looked up at both of them.

"My water broke."

Neither man nor mech had ever moved so fast in their entire lives. Ironhide contacted both Prime and Ratchet and the hospital. Will ran to get what was needed for the delivery. They were speeding down the highway in a matter of minutes afterwards. Sarah was panting and groaning. It scared Ironhide, enough that it took a bit for Will to calm him down.

The nurses were waiting for them when they arrived. They carted Sarah away in a wheelchair, leaving both men to stand there and watch. Will turned to look at him.

"C'mon 'Hide, Sarah wants both of us there with her." Ironhide just nodded and followed the captain. Ratchet was the head doctor there during Sarah's pregnancy. Ironhide knew somewhere in the back of his mind that the medic had pulled as many strings with the sec def and the hospital to be there. He wasn't really a registered doctor anywhere. He gave Ironhide a brief nod as he entered the room. The weapons specialist moved to Sarah's side unoccupied by Lennox. She immediately grabbed both of their hands. Both he and Will whispered encouragements to her. Ironhide even went so far as leaning down to kiss her cheek, nuzzling tenderly at it. She looked appreciative. He and Will were just as scared as they were excited.

Ratchet gave Sarah some encouragement as well, telling her that she was almost done... almost there... and then...

A loud cry echoed through the room. Ironhide froze ,Sarah went limp and panting, and Will looked up. Both of them looked to Ratchet's arms as the medic walked closer. There was a blue bundle in his arms. He placed it in Sarah's.

"Congratulations... Andrew William Lennox, born July 10th 3:01 P.M. 7 lbs 4oz." he said. Sarah let out a sobbed laugh, looking down at the pink baby boy. Will was whispering love to her in her ear, perched on the left side of the bed.

Ironhide had never seen anything so... beautiful in his entire existence. Sarah was beautiful... the tiny (Primus he was so tiny) baby in her arms was beautiful, he was stunned and shocked into silence. Sarah was his new hero.

"Would you like to hold him Ironhide?" Sarah asked. He edged closer, apprehensive. He was a big mech, and a his hologram was a big man. That little baby could fit the length of his arm.

"Sit in the chair." he did so and Will took Andrew into his arms. Sarah sighed, closing her eyes tiredly. Then Will set the baby in his arms and Ironhide looked down into the tiny human's face And he was gone.. This little one already had Ironhide's love. This tiny human that was created out of love from his parents... brought into the world by his amazing mother... Was able to humble and bring down the ruthless weapons specialist of the Autobot Army. He just stared down at the baby sucking gently on the binky in his mouth. Will smiled at his partner, leaning against the back of the chair and putting his head to 'Hide's.

"Y'know 'Hide, " he said, nuzzling the bigger man's cheek, " he kinda looks like you."

C'mon guys, ironhide would so become the world's biggest teddy bear if he held a newborn. I think they'd ALL become humbled after something like that. He's frickin' in love with baby Andrew... heck, so am I XD. Anyways, like I said before, subtle hints at WillxHidexSarah. Anyone wanna give that a try? C'mon, Sarah would love that Combination, watchin' her hubby play tonsil hockey with big bad Ironhide. Two hot army studs, one that can change his anatomy at will :3 I would so totally do it X3


	21. Pumpkin Carving

1Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers, if I did, well, lots of things would be possible.

Author's Note: This was spawned from too much fun on TF2007FUN. All prompts were suggested by those at the community. With that in mind, have fun kiddies!

Warning: None

Chapter Summary: Halloween is on it's way and Bumblebee and Bluestreak decided to get in on the holiday fun.

Humanity for Dummies: Autobot Edition

Chapter 21:

58. Pumpkin Carving.

The Autobots knew something was up when Sam, Mikaela and Miles had run to Lennox, the Authority for the teens on base, enthusiastically asking him about going to a pumpkin patch. Though all of them could understand what the pumpkin was, they couldn't understand it's purpose for their enthusiasm. Lennox had laughed and given the permission they'd asked for, and the three teens had run off.

It wasn't until later, when they returned with about ten pumpkins dis they begin to get even more suspicious and curious. As per usual, Bluestreak and Bumblebee were their shadows, following them curiously to see what their little humans were going to do. Annabelle squealed and followed uncle Sam.

"Pun'kin, pun'kin, pun'kin." she'd said, grabbing said teen's hand.

The teens has made their way to the mess hall with the cart of said pumpkins and at that point, Maggie and Glen decided to join them.

"Man, I haven't done this since college." Glen said.

"Me neither, my grandmother didn't really like al the mess." Maggie said, helping Annabelle roll up the sleeves of the old shirt that had been pulled over her head.

"You kidding? The messy part is the best part!" Sam said, going to a drawer for a few knives, spoons and a sharpie or two.

"Save the seeds man, I like Pumpkin seeds." Miles said. Bumblebee and Bluestreak looked at one another and activated their holoforms.

"What are you doing?" Bluestreak asked, leaning over the table, inspecting a particularly large Pumpkin.

"Carving Pumpkins." Mikaela said happily.

"Carving pumpkins? What's the point in that?" Bumblebee asked as Sam pushed a [pumpkin towards him.

"Halloween. It's an old tradition. You carve things in the pumpkins and put tea lights in them. They're called Jack-o-lanterns." he said as he shoved his knife in the pumpkin and began to cut off the top. The two Autobots looked at one another, looking up the art of pumpkin carving before grinning.

"I wanna do it!!!" They both yelled at the same time.

An hour or two later, when everyone had decided it was lunch time, they heard the laughter from the mess hall and cautiously entered it. Sitting at one of the long tables, messy, were the three teens, two analysts and Annabelle, joined by Bumblebee and Bluestreak... elbow deep in the innards of the pumpkins. The orange stringy stuff was all over the place, a pile of seeds in a bag at the end.

"What in Primus' name..." Ratchet murmured. Annabelle, orange in her curly brown hair, looked over her shoulder, holding a spoon.

"Daddy daddy! 'Ookie!" she jabbed her finger at the face on the pumpkin and Lennox bent down, resisting the urge to laugh.

"That's really neat sweety, who's that?" he asked and she grinned widely and pointed up at Ironhide who was watching with a curious look.

"It 'Hide.. 'Hide on Pun'kin." she said happily and Ratchet bent, examining the pumpkin.

"It does have a rather.. Uncanny likeness to him." Maggie laughed.

"That's because it's supposed to look like Ironhide." she said, carving out another piece of the pumpkin. Across the table from her, Miles twisted his pumpkin and grinned.

"Autofruit." he said, showing off the impressive rendition of the Autobot's symbol. He had one of his grins on his face. The Autobots, though they didn't understand the point to this... messy activity, were intrigued. They turned to Mikaela who smiled and turned her pumpkin to show them.

"Jazz." she said, showing off the face of the deceased lieutenant. Sam showed off his next. It was of Bumblebee. Their attention turned to Glen who turned his around.

"Doc Hatchet."

"Alright you two, since you're the messiest and obviously having much more fun than even Annabelle." Optimus said, chuckling at two of his youngest soldiers. Indeed, the two of them looked just as excited as if they were younglings again. The Two Autobot-disguised-as-a-human grinned and turned the rest of the Pumpkins around that they'd been given. Sam snorted at the enthusiasm. These last five sported the faces of Prowl, Optimus, Wheeljack and the twins. Optimus chuckled when Bumblebee asked what was next.

"Next, you clean up your mess..." Ratchet said, pointing to the orange stringy goo all over the place.

Later that night, after the sun had gone down and everyone had retired to their quarters homes or rooms, having tasted their first roasted pumpkin seeds, the aura around base was one of warmth and content. Even Prowl was a bit more open and the twins just a little bit more mellow... and sitting at random places around the base, were Autobot jack-o-lanterns, lit with tiny, flickering tea-lights.

WEEE!!!! okay, rule number one of Pumpkin carving, the best part is getting messy... rule number two, roasted pumpkin seeds rooooccccckkkkk. Just decided in the wake of Halloween, I'd write up the next chapter. Happy Halloween fellow Transfans!


	22. Halloween

1Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers, if I did, well, lots of things would be possible.

Author's Note: This was spawned from too much fun on TF2007FUN. All prompts were suggested by those at the community. With that in mind, have fun kiddies!

Warning: None

Pairings: SamxBee, MikaelaxRatchet, WillXSarahxIronhide.

Chapter Summary: This is the Autobots' first Halloween.....'nough said

Humanity for Dummies: Autobot Edition

Chapter 22:

65. Halloween.

"Hey Ironhide!" The weapons specialist looked up When Bumblebee's holoform came bounding over to his own with a grin on his face. He raised an eyebrow, shffting the one year old Andrew in his arms. Said toddler clapped his hands, waving towards the blond. Bee smiled.

"What... are you wearing?" he asked, looking the blond over. Bumblebee was wearing a lot of black leather and buckled straps. His hair was spiked rather comically and there was a large plastic sword strapped to his back.

"It's a costume Ironhide." Sarah said, walking out to her other lover and plucking her son from his arms. The baby giggled happily. Ironhide huffed.

"You look ridiculous."

"He does not, and I spent WAY too long on that hair for him not to look fabulous. Cloud's hair is a bitch!" Mikaela said, walking up to the lennox porch. She too was dressed up. She was earing a white one piece nurse's outfit with high heels. She was carrying a three foot, fake syringe.

"And you are?"

"I'm Ratchet's assistant." she said with a grin, watching as the medic's holoform dropped his jaw, staring at her.

"You're not going out in public like that." he protested.

"I am." she said. " Besides, I'm gonna be around all of you... and a bunch of elementary kids." she waved it away as if it was nothing.

" Where are Sam and Miles?" Sarah asked, helping little Andrew into his cow costume. The little bot was sucking on his binky, playing around with the tail.

"Miles is trying to help Sam into his costume.. Lots of parts." Bumblebee said, sitting cross legged on a picnic table in the front yard. It wasn't too soon after that Sam and Miles walked out of the Lennox house. Miles literally looked like he was run over by a vehicle. Tire marks trailed over his ripped clothes and his face was bruised and bloodied. Sam, on the other hand, was dressed totally different.

He was wearing dark forest green armor with a futuristic gun in his left hand and a helmet in his other.

"Sorry, Miles had to fasten my boot on." Sam said, setting the helmet down and running a hand through his hair.

"Okay, I'm confused... What ARE you?" Sideswipe asked, from beside his brother. Both of them had taken the easy way out. They were in leather pants with bow ties around their necks. ' The local chip-n-dales,' Sarah had called them once.

"I got run over by Optimus." Miles said matter of factly. The leader chuckled and shook his head.

"And I'm Master Chief.. And this costume is heavy." Sam said.

"Looks it... Wait, where's Will and Annabelle?" Ironhide turned around, looking for the said child and her father. It was then that the screen door burst open.

A miniature, three foot version of Ironhide came running out of it.

"Wait for me!!!" called Anna's voice as she bounced to a stop at Ironhide's waist. She pushed her mask away grinning.

"Look! I'm YOU!" she said, even as Andrew giggled from Sarah's hip. Ironhide smiled gently and put a hand to the top of her head.

"I see this."

"Alright guys, this is how this works." Sarah said finally, moreso to the Autobots than to the teenagers who'd been doing this for so long they knew how to Trick or treat.

"We're going to keep together as a group, Halloween had become just a bit more dangerous than when we were kids so, just be careful. Keep a flashlight with you and for the love of God Lennox, do NOT scare the kids like you did when WE were young." the Army captain grinned.

"We're going to go down the lane into town and hit as many houses as we can before 8:30. Boys." she turned to the twins. " no shenanigans."

"Yes mom." they answered, grinning.

"Alright, c'mon, let's go before these kids get restless."

And with that, the group of holoforms and humans walked down the lane form the Lennox house. Annabelle was on one side of Ironhide holding his hand, while the big weapons Specialist ( who Sarah had at least made dress up as an armyman) held the little cow-Andrew in his other arm, carrying a pumpkin basket. They went up to the first house, Sam taking over with Annabelle and ringing the doorbell. A few other kids joined them. When the door opened, a woman smiled as hands held up buckets.

"Trick or TREAT!" was called in unison and candy was passed out. Little feet scampered as they ran off to the next one.

"Why do they say trick or treat?" Sideswipe asked.

"Tradition and some old story and stuff.. Google it." miles said. And so, the next few hours was spent running from house to house, acquiring candy and squealing children in all sorts of costumes weaving in and out of the group.

"As ridiculous as this.. Holiday is.. It's rather fun." Ratchet said, watching Bumblebee and Sam hit a house, Annabelle between the two of them.

"I agree. Optimus said loftily, eyes looking around at the families and children at the different houses. Some of them were dressed oddly close to himself and Ratchet. He smiled, it seemed like they hadn't managed to find all of the youtube video's of Mission City.

At the end of the night as they all walked back home, chattering, the Autobots realized why exactly this holiday was so much fun. For one, the twins enjoyed the fact that there was candy involved, and two, it was a way for them to unwind and act like they weren't in a war, or they weren't giant alien robots. Optimus looked over to Sam and Bumblebee, the blond holding Sam's hand, their bags of candy swinging at the end of the plastic sword. Miles was chatting with the twins, both of them looking pleased with themselves. Then he looked over to Mikaela, who was being given a piggy back ride by his Cmo. He smirked when he saw the girl's high heels dangling from his fingers.

His last gaze then landed on Ironhide. The burly man was holding Annabelle's hand as she hummed and skipped beside him ( he still chuckled at the three foot miniature Ironhide costume), while the sleeping Andrew drooled on his shoulder... little cow tail swishing with every step. As they reached the Lennox ranch, he couldn't help but smile. Perhaps.. Next year, he'd participate with them...

Okay, totally corny, but I wanted to dress the bots up. Sam was spawned from my brother and Miles and the twins from my mom. I modeled little Andrew off of my nephew who was dressed like a cow this year (trick or treating was yesterday) hope it wasn't too bad, enjoy!


	23. Handwriting

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers... this is HasTak's swimming pool, I'm just floating around in it for a while. I don't own "Hard Gay" either... seriously.

Author's Note: This was an idea spawned from too much tf2007fun on Livejournal. Don't take ANY of it completely serious, because I'm just doing this as a means to entertain myself and those that read it. These are suggestions mostly from those on Tf2007fun.. Have at em kiddies

Summary: Wheeljack Ponders human handwriting....

**EDIT:** Sorry about that guys. It didnt upload the one I wanted. It was like 1:00 in the mornign when I did this. Should be fixed now

Humanity For Dummies: Autobot Edition

Chapter 23:  
43. Handwriting.

...

Wheeljack was amazed at how much a human's handwriting could tell him about said human's personality. It was one of the most fascinating aspects, he thought, of the human race. They were so unique as it was, with this he was almost jealous. For example, analyzing Sam's handwriting on the Physics homework he'd requested 'Jack look over, he could tell that Sam was 'all boy'. Though he couldn't be seen as a dominant, Sam was inexplicably male. The short and hurried slashes of his r's and t's told him that he'd rather be spending time with his guardian than doing any homework at all.

It was hurried and sloppy; spontaneous and loud– just like the boy.

He moved onto another paper, or rather, stack of papers, with written notes on every part of white margin as possible. This was Captain Lennox's paperwork. It was easy to tell his handwriting from others. The army man wrote in very distinct and neat capitol letters. And he wrote in such accurately straight lines. It was amazing. He liked and knew order, he kept himself presentable. This was compared to Secretary Keller's handwriting. It was rather calligraphic hand– writing that suggested he was of high authority and dignity.

He looked over everybody's available signatures and handwriting, analyzing attitude and personality until a small tap on his foot had him looking down. Annabelle Lennox stood there with her father. The tiny three year old grinned happily up at him through paint splotches in her hair and on her face. She held up a poster board that was almost bigger than she was.

"For Jack Jack!" she said as he took the poster in his fingers. A very... abstract portrait of himself and Bluestreak was painted across the white paper. A Crude rendition of 'Anna' (No doubt with much help from daddy) was scribbled in the corner.  
"Thank you very much Annabelle." the youngling grinned again. And as she bounced off to get a much needed bath, Wheeljack thought it'd be a while before he could properly analyze the little girl's own handwriting.

Alright guys, all together now...."D'awwwwww." Just a cute little thing for the next chapter of HFD. I figured Wheeljack would be the one to analyze handwriting. Yes, yes he would. And just a note. I write like Lennox. My Educational Psychology note are SO easy to read because of it XD lol.


	24. RC Cars

1Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers... this is HasTak's swimming pool, I'm just floating around in it for a while.

Author's Note: This was an idea spawned from too much tf2007fun on Livejournal. Don't take ANY of it completely serious, because I'm just doing this as a means to entertain myself and those that read it. These are suggestions mostly from those on Tf2007fun.. Have at em kiddies

Summary: The Autobots discover the fun of RC cars....

Humanity For Dummies: Autobot Edition

Chapter 24:

68. Remote Controlled Cars..

...

...

Prowl looked up as he heard the noise again. This time, he knew he was not hearing things, that was the fifteenth time he'd heard it... the faint sound of underdeveloped technology. He swivelled in his seat and looked out his office door. He waited for a minute or two and then....

...

...

A small, very small silver Solstice spun out in the hallway, soon to be passed by a blue mustang and a yellow Camaro.

...

...

He shuttered his optics in justly confusion and stood. Surely his optics were malfunctioning because neither Jazz, nor Bluestreak nor Bumblebee were THAT tiny, Just then a semi, black truck and a hummer drove by. This time he stepped out into the hallway and watched as the vehicles rounded the corner. Something hit his foot.

...

...

Looking down, he saw a small black and yellow Camaro... he lifted his foot and the small car zipped down the hallway.

...

...

Curiosity piqued and processor close to crashing, the tactician made his way down the hallway. Just as he rounded the corner, the Solstice slid by him once more, followed this time by two Lambos. The head into the rec room door. He followed... to find many of the others, using the holomatter projectors as a means of not taking up as much room, were holding remote controls.

"Hi Prowler!" Jazz called, grinning as the miniature Solstice did loops around his feet.

"What's going on?" he asked, activating his own holomatter projector.

"Ya remember tha' toy company who asked ta use us as action figures?" how could he forget? That fragging camera made him see spots for hours.

"Yes?"

"Well, dis is their thanks. Remote controlled us." and the Solstice that had been circling them zipped off and crashed into the two Lambos.

"Hey!"

"Watch it!"

Soon to be followed by the Hummer, both Camaros and the Pick Up.

"Pile up on the highway!" Sam yelled..

BAM, the blue and red Semi soon followed with a collective

"OPTIMUS!"

The leader chuckled lightly.

Suddenly, the sound of tiny sirens cut through the grumbling as a police charger did a few laps around the pile up and took off down the hall. Everyone turned to Prowl. He gave them an innocent look.

"Someone has to keep up the law around here." he said, and smirked at the mad dash to unpile the pile up.

RC cars were FUN!.

This prompt was spawned by the other day. My brother and I were playing with out ginormous RC Hummer and CXT Ratchet and When my mom brought out my little Acura. The thing runs on six AA batteries... Needless to say.. Ratchet and Optimus ran over the poor thing so many times I don't think it works any more. Only one thing to say about that though...

RC CARS ARE THE FUN!


	25. The Flu

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers. They belong to their respective owners, as well as any recognizable characters.

Author's Note: Sorry for the late update, but I've been REALLY busy and have had some problems. I hope to update this as much as I possibly can.

This was an idea spawned from too much tf2007fun on Livejournal. Don't take ANY of it completely serious, because I'm just doing this as a means to entertain myself and those that read it. These are suggestions mostly from those on Tf2007fun.. Have at em kiddies

Warnings: Sam has a potty mouth, slashy pairings. Mention of a swastika used in a prank.

Humanity for Dummies: Autobot Edition

81. The Flu

Sam was normally a very mellow human. It took a lot to upset him and he was everybody's favorite. He got along with the base's human population and even the Teletraan AI system adored him. He was loyal, selfless and loveable. This was the Sam everyone was used to. Not the Sam that lay curled on a couch under a blanket with a box of tissues nearby. Nobody liked the "sick-with-the-flu" Sam, and everyone who'd heard about the diagnosis from Ratchet, or had actually come in contact with 'sick vicious' knew better than to bother/talk/joke, or.. well, do anything with the teen.

Everybody but the twins, that is.

The two of them had been out on patrol for the last few days (Prowl's punishment for the swastika painted in random hallways that had given poor Red Alert a spark attack). They didn't know anything.

"That was the most annoying patrol I've _ever_ been on." Sideswipe gushed as he and his brother entered the commons.

"Rain, sand and Sunstreaker's do. Not. Mix. I've got it all in places it shouldn't be." He golden warrior whined just as loudly. Those present pulled their attention away from their quiet activities to gaze warily at the bodies curled on one of the couches. Bumblebee was watching them just as warily, very aware of his charge, who had almost been asleep, who was now very awake, and tense.

"That's nice, go whine about it somewheres else." Ironhide said quietly, optics watching Sam carefully.

"Hey! It's a common room, we have the right to bitch here if we want to!" Sideswipe said indignantly.

"Not when sick vicious is in here…" Cliffjumper mumbled.

"'Scuse me redlight, you say something?" Sunny hissed, looming over the minibot. Cliffjumper's optics turned hastily in Sam's direction, very near their feet.

"I'm talking to--."

Both twins cried out in pain and surprise as they were both hit in the optic; Sideswipe by a water bottle, Sunny by a tissue box.

"Who the frag--."

"SHUT UP!" they silenced and all optics turned to the irate human on the couch. His face was pale and he looked miserable.

"You think_ YOU'RE_ having a bad day? I've got a fever, I HURT, I puke up everything I eat, my throat hurts, I can't breath, my head hurts, and my nose is running. I missed the preview to a good movie and I'm fragging _tired_."

"Hey S-."

"No, shut up. I was almost asleep before you two knuckleheaded bullhorns stomped in here. Now. Shut up, be quiet and don't say another word until I say you can!" the brunette gave one last glare and settled back into the couch and Bee's arms.

"And gimme my water bottle and tissues back."

::_ did we miss something?::_ Sideswipe comm'd the others as he and his brother returned said items to sick teen.

::_New rules,::_ Prowl advised, leafing through a datapad.::_ No talking, joking, yelling, making loud noises to or around Samuel while he's infected.::_

_::O-oh… right…::_ and quiet settled in once again, allowing Sam to drift back into Ny-Quil induced slumber.

Right, so, NO ONE wants to be bothered when they're sick. Sam is no different. Reviews are appreciated, not mandatory.


	26. Porn

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers. They belong to their respective owners, as well as any recognizable characters.

Author's Note: some have asked about putting some of these into word. I don't mind, but if you plan on posting it anywhere else, please make sure you reference it back to me. If you just want to keep it for your personal reasons, go right ahead. Also, some one asked about switching pairings and ages. This doesn't have a set time nor age for any of the characters. I write the pairings as they come to me. It'll be mostly slash though, just as a heads up.

This was an idea spawned from too much tf2007fun on Livejournal. Don't take ANY of it completely serious, because I'm just doing this as a means to entertain myself and those that read it. These are suggestions mostly from those on Tf2007fun.. Have at em kiddies

Warnings: The chapter title should give it away, but there's a mention of slash, and blatant PORN!!!! Noises… if that offends you, I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait for the next chapter.

Pairings: Red AlertxInferno, IronhidexWillxSarah, SamxBeexSides.

Humanity for Dummies: Autobot Edition

15. Porn.

Red Alert hadn't been expecting the stray virus that had taken hold of Teletraan's earth systems on base. At first, it was merely annoying pop ups for random human products. The most annoying one had been the brightly colored, clashing "**CONGRATULATIONS**!" banner. Apparently he'd won a brand new X-box 360… five times in a row… in a contest he hadn't even entered. He didn't need then, the base had about seven of the gaming consoles for Saturday night Halo war.

Then came the offensive pop ups, the ones that advertised male enhancement products and pills that _"increase your sexual experience!"_

He had a very good love life, thank you very much, and sexual experiences with Inferno were never dull, so there.

If it was one thing that amazed him, it was the sheer number of ale enhancement supplements floating around the world. The Enzyte male creeped him out the most—besides, none of the humans had ANY problem with THEIR sex lives either, if the constant disappearances of Sideswipe, Bumblebee and Sam were any indication.

The Pop ups had sopped for a while, giving the annoyed Autobot the illusion that Teletraan had found and eradicated the virus itself. He should have known that the human virus was too small for it to detect or fix. It would have prepared him for the disturbing popups and… other things that struck the week after.

"Oh… yes…right there baby, right _there_! Ohhh~"

"How long has this been going on?" Optimus asked, flinching in discomfort when the female was lifted by the male onto her neck as he pistoned into her from above.

"Almost three hours--."

"Yes! **YES**!! Ohhh Fuuucckkkk—"

"Since I'd logged on—."

"Cum for me baby, cum for me!--."

"This is about the fifteenth one, and not nearly as short nor… verbal, as the other ones," Red Alert explained as another screen popped up and both bots had to tilt their heads in order to decipher which body belonged to which human in the throng of at least ten of them.

"What… is that?" Ironhide asked, just walking into the room in search of the Autobot Commander.

"A virus," both of them answered, watching the scene before them like a train wreck. Ironhide slipped in beside optimus, optics locked on the screen.

"Will can't do that…..Sarah can't do _that!_"

"Too much information, Ironhide…." Optimus muttered.

"Well I can't have… whatever this is, on the screens all day. What if the Decepticons are planning an attack o--."

"_**OH YES**_!!!" all three bots flinched at the scream.

'Think I should call Wheeljack?" Red asked.

"That would be a good idea," Optimus said, distracted.

-0-0-0-

When Wheeljack entered the security room, the three original bots were joined by a fair few of their comrades, all curious of the … interesting noises.

"What did ya need, Red?" he asked, pushing through the crowd.

"Yes… can you get rid of that?" the mech pointed up to the screen where two human males were engaged in a vigorous sexual act.

"Oh my, isn't that interesting," the inventor mumbled. Sideswipe purred in agreement, already coming Bumblebee and plotting how to engage Sam in some of those positions.

"I don't care if it's interesting or not, I want it gone!"

"But Red, I'm not familiar with human virus coding… and it's probably so tiny I couldn't even find it," the bottoming male arched beneath his partner with a low, whining, moan. There was a collective rev of multiple systems.

"Then… then h-how do I get rid of it?" the flustered security director asked.

"Hey guys, what's with the party?" everyone turned to the doorway where Sam, Will, Mikaela and Maggie stood in curiosity.

"Um... We… um--."

"YES! Right there, "another collective flinch from the group of Autobots.

"What the hell was that?" Sam asked as he ad Lennox pushed their way towards the computers, Maggie and Mikaela following. They froze when they saw the reason for the private party.

"Um… do humans always publicize their… interfacing?" Smokescreen asked. The humans were speechless, well, until the two males started kissing.

"That's hot," Maggie and Mikaela breathed. Sam and Will flushed.

"C-can you get ri-rid of it? Please?" Red begged. Maggie smirked as she moved towards a small human console.

"Are you sure--," a rather seductive moan fro the copulating males and more engine revs, "—you really seem to be enjoy--."

"Make it go away!" Red alert ground out. Maggie snickered, and with a few expertly remembered key strokes (her ex-boyfriend was a fan of RedTube), the images were gone and erased from Teletraan. That didn't mean, however, that any of the bots had erased it from memory banks.

"Well boys… congratulations," Mikaela said as the four humans made to leave the room.

"'You just watched your first porn videos," Will said.

"Lost your porn-ginity," Sam added in. The four of them left, laughing… Ironhide, Sideswipe and Bumblebee following quickly after.

I SO enjoyed writing this one. It was just… wow, too much fun man. Reviews are welcomed, not mandatory.


	27. Hiccups

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers or any of the things dealing with Transformers, I'm just playing with them for a while.

Author's Note: I'm sorry this chapter is so long in coming. I know the lot of you have been waiting patiently for it, and I thank you for sticking with me. Loads of things have been taking up my time. I plan on updating Man and Machine soon as well. I'm not too proud of this one, but it will have to do.

Until the next chapter, go look for my live journal . for drabbles, art and stories that I've put up to past the time until I got back in the swing of HFD. That's where most of my stuff is anyways :]

Humanity for Dummies

Chapter 27

76. Hiccups.

For a Saturday afternoon, the rec room was too quiet, not that it's occupants minded much. It was the day after a rather brutal battle with the Decepticons, and with five of their members in the medbay and their leader in a bad mood thanks to his overzealous brother, the Autobots welcomed the silent afternoon.

And air conditioning, they really liked air conditioning.

The humans appreciated the silence as well. Most of them were battered and bruised, and the teenagers, before that, had just finished their final exams, so not only was Optimus in a bad mood ( and when Optimus was in a pissy mood, NO ONE wanted to get mixed up in it), so were the three teenagers. It was like unspoken law that every one remain quiet for the day to pick up the pieces and return to normal.

So no TV's were on, cell phones were left in rooms, and any games were done over radio frequencies.

_Hick_

Hound lifted his head and looked around at the small sound. When he didn't immediately hear it again, he went back to running his fingers over Mirage's fore helm.

_Hick_.

There it was again, his fingers stilled and he looked around once more. This caught Mirage's attention.

"What's wrong, Hound?" he asked quietly.

"Don't you hear that?" the Jeep asked, turning his head.

"Hear what?"

_Hick_

"That."

Mirage tilted his head to the side and listened. Jazz did the same thing.

_Hick…….hick_

"What the frag? Which one o' ya'll has the malfunction?" the saboteur asked the room. The other bots looked up and shook their heads.

_Hick_.

"What's that sound?" Bluestreak asked. Hound shrugged and looked to the humans to find out what it was. Mikeala was napping, a light snore interrupting each breath. Miles was intensely reading his latest book, eyes roaming over the pages like a mad man, and Sam was sprawled on the couch, headphones in, flipping idly through a random magazine that had been laying arou--

_Hick_

And his chest jumped as he made that odd little sound. The bots all looked at one another in curiosity before they approached the smaller area. Sam didn't seen too concerned about the odd noise he was emitting, nor the little jumps that accompanied those sounds. He would make the _hick_ sound, and then turn a page, a look of annoyance on his face. Hound brought his face down closer to catch the boy's attention.

Sam looked up at the forest green Autobot and pulled the headphones out. He looked around at the others.

"Hey guys, what's _hick_ up?" he asked, skeptically. They all tilted their heads when he made the sound again.

"What are you doing Sam?" Bluestreak asked. An eyebrow shot into the fringe of his hair, accompanied by a _hick-uh._

"What do you _hick_ mean? I'm reading.. And _hick-uh_ listening to my ipod… I do it all the _hick_ time."

"That… why are you doing that?" Hound emphasized.

"Doing _hick_ what?"

"That! The thing that makes you jump," the Autobot clarified. The others nodded their heads. Sam watched them in confusion, another hiccup wracking his body, this one slightly more painful… oh.

"You mean the _hick _hiccups?" the boy asked.

"Is that what it's called? Hiccups?" Mirage asked, " The sound you're making?"

"Uh.. Yeah, they're _hick_ called hiccups. Has to do _hick_ ,to do with vocal cords and getting twisted or _hick_ something, it's not a big, _hick_ deal guys, they'll go away." he said. They stared at him for a while longer, watching as he hiccupped and made faces when it got rather annoying. When it seemed like they weren't going to last long, the next getting farther from the last, the Autobots returned to the silence and what they were doing.

"That was kinda cute," Jazz said and the others rolled their eyes. Not too long later, Miles let out a small _hicc-up. And it started all over again._

_Anyone ever had the hiccups and at the most inopportune time? I did, today, during work… and my customer laughed at me D:_


	28. IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE

Hello everyone, this is just an Author's Note, you can skip this if you'd like, but I feel the need to put it up after I got a dreaded flame.

I'm not going to complain, I'm just going to set things straight. Since the flame was on the Abortion chapter, I feel I should start with that one.

I believe in what I believe in, and you will believe in what you believe in. PERIOD. There is no need to get pissy when I SPECIFICALLY stated in the author's note that there was questionable content. The notes are there for a reason. That being said, I do not appreciate being preached at for going against what one or more people believe in. The Author's note was there in bold, capitol lettering. Please heed it next time

On that same note, Transformers are not humans; transformers have been fighting a war for a long time. The death of the all spark ( in my verse, as it's been proven wrong in the ROTF verse) means the end of sparklings and a future race. The fact that humans would "terminate" their own young can be offensive to some bots. Please deal with it. No one said you had to like it

To those of you who haven't pitched a bitch fit, and have been following faithfully and giving me their support no matter WHAT their views, I thank you, and I am sorry I haven't updated sooner. I've taken life by the horns at the moment and it hasn't thrown me off yet. Hopefully it will soon.

TO ALL THOSE WHO ARE WATCHING THIS FANFICTION!!!!!! THERE IS GOING TO BE _MORE_ **CONTROVERSIAL** TOPICS. **PLEASE WATCH FOR THE AUTHOR'S NOTE EXPLAINING WHICH OF THOSE CHAPTERS IS CONTROVERSIAL**. PLEASE FOR YOUR SAKE AND MY SANITY.

3 Konabluemustang


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